


Nightmares

by MeiraLitch



Category: The Arcana (Visual Novel)
Genre: F/M, This is now a fluffy/angsty fanfic, When will it end? I have no fucking clue, angst with happy ending, but it has transformed without my control and now i don't know when I will stop, but who knows where this will go no, certainly not me lol, so i am adding more tags because this was supposed to be a one shot thing, soft porn for yall, this started as a one shot after the chapter the Hermit, why can't I just write a fucking one shot men
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-04
Updated: 2019-08-03
Packaged: 2020-06-09 16:07:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 25,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19479358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MeiraLitch/pseuds/MeiraLitch
Summary: As said in the tags, this is a self indulgent fic about the book the Hermit and how things could have gotten steamy real fast, if you know what I mean.The plot had now evolved and this is no longer a one shot.While you try to stop Lucio from returning, feelings start to grow. Muriel fears what will happen to you if you keep going, again.





	1. Chapter 1

The sounds of Muriel's voice wakes you up. Summoning a light, you look at him just to find him moving on his sleep, clearly having a nightmare. Inanna whines next to you, concerned showing on her wolf face.

Without thinking, you get out of the bed and go to him. 

"Muriel, wake up." You say softly while gently shaking him by the shoulder. He wakes up with in a jolt his eyes full of panic, looking around the room. 

"Astrid...?"

He is terrified, sweat dripping down his forehead, chest and arms. Carefully, you sit down on the floor next to him, never letting go of his shoulder. 

"Are you alright?"

"I..." Anger is now covering his face, looking at our hand on his shoulder and pulling back, as far away from me as possible. "What are you doing? I could have hurt you!"

You can feel your eyebrows knitting together at his words, confused. 

"But you didn't." You let out a sigh, the frown on your face disappearing, and you reach out to hold one of his hands, now closed in fists. Slowly, he unfurls them, letting you move your hand against his. His palm is sweaty, and the shaking has not subside yet. 

"What if I had?" The anger has already disappeared, fear, and worry too, settled on him. 

You shake your head and squeeze your hand around his. When you look at them, you notice the tiny scars that cover them, and how big they are compared to yours. They are strong, could brake your hand if he wanted to, yet, you know he never would. 

"You _didn't."_

With this, you can feel his body slowly relaxing, the shaking slowing down until it finally stops. 

"Do you want to talk about it?" Muriel snorts, shaking his head. 

"It's pathetic. And no one actually likes hearing about other people's dreams" His brows furrow with his words, clearly upset about it. You don't think he will talk about it, but that doesn't change how much you want to help him. 

You reach out, your fingers gently caressing his cheek, and for your surprise, he leans a little into the touch, eyes closing. The skin at his face is covered on stubble, slightly scraping your palm. But you don't care, it feels good, and warm, and you feel the need to touch him more. 

But you refrain yourself. 

"You should go back to bed" His eyes are still closed, still enjoying the touch of your fingers on his skin. 

"Only if you come with me." 

You get to your feet, tugging at his hand, encouraging him to follow me. He does, his cheeks are a little pink, with his eyes flashing between the bed and our joined hands. 

"There's not enough space. I'm too big." He follows me nonetheless, dropping on the edge of the bed, sitting awkwardly. 

"We will make space." 

You push your hands on his chest, pushing him gently onto the mattress. He settles back but doesn't relax, eyeing you warily as you began to gather pillows. There isn't much space on the bed, truth be told, but you are determined to see this through. And in the worst case, you could always use him as a partial mattress. 

You place the pile of pillows at the head of the bed, settling back against them. 

"Th-this is ridiculous. I'm leaving-" When Muriel sees how you intend to expend the night, the pink on his cheeks intensifying, he attempts to get up. But you start to strong his hair, gently encouraging him to rest his head on your lap. 

Slowly, carefully on his movements, as if he was scared to hurt you by just being close to you, he settles again, eyes looking anywhere but at you. 

"See? Plenty of space." 

"Wh-whatever." 

You smile softly at him while you continue to stroke his hair. You love the feeling of his hair between your fingers, the thickness of it. It's texture feels rough, no doubt covered in dust from the journey, but you are sure that if he cleaned it, it would feel soft and almost fluffy. 

He is almost boneless when he lets out a deep breath. You hear his voice catching up on his throat, as if he was going to say something. His cheeks turn a darker shade of pink, and clearing his throat he finally says.

"Don't tell anyone about this" 

You laugh at his words, your eyes lost on the shape of his face. You look at every detail you can while he is trying to sleep, every scar, every imperfection. 

His thick eyebrows. 

His strong cheeks. 

His beautiful nose. 

His perfect lips. 

Lips that are dry from his life on the wild. 

Lips that are full, probably warm, and soft.

Lips that you want to kiss, and-.

Wait.

Before you can think about what you are about to do and say, probably due to how sleep deprive you are, and also thinking that Muriel is already fast asleep. You move your hand to his lips, barely touching them with your fingertips.

"Gods, I want to kiss you." 

As soon as you say this words, Muriel's cheeks turn into a deep red as he jolts up in the bed, walking away until he hits the wall, gaping with eyes wide looking at you. 

"Wh-what did you say?" 

You can feel your own temperature rise, looking at him unsure of what to say. Finally, you decided that since he clearly heard what you said, you might as well go with it. 

"I said I want to kiss you" As you say this, you stand from the bed and step closer to him, close enough that you can move your hand to his arm, gently touching him with your fingertips. When he doesn't recoil, you take one step closer, your hand now around his wrist sliding up his firm arm until your hand rests on his chest. 

"Why would you want to do that?" His cheeks are still a furious red, his expression of disbelief still on his face. "Why would you want to k-kiss someone like me?" 

You move one more step, with just one inch away from touching his bare chest with your own. 

"Because I like you."

"Wh-what?!" He almost shrieks, yet, he doesn't move away from you. 

Your free hand moves up his body, until you are cupping his cheek on your hand. Your thumb moves near his bottom lip while you bite your own. Almost using all your will, you take a step back, stopping all contact between the two. 

"If you don't want to, I-"

"I didn't say that!" He bursts out. 

Now is both of you who look in disbelief. You both freeze on the spot, both your eyes fixated on each other. When he realises that you are not going to say anything, he moves his eyes and speaks in a voice so low that you can barely hear him. 

"I-I m-might have think about it before..." 

You don't think his face can get any redder, but then you notice his neck is also starting to get red, making you chuckle. Eyes darting up at you at the sound of your laugh, he looks terrified, like a deer that was just caught in the middle of the path. 

You decide that the best move is to let him come to you, so you walk back to the bed, standing next to it. 

"Why don't you come here, then?" Your voice is hardly a whisper, afraid to scare him off otherwise. 

After a few seconds of consideration, he moves from the wall and walks until he is standing in front of you, awkwardly standing there, unsure of what to do next. 

Luckily for him, you know what to do. You hold his hands and move, encouraging him to sit in the bed once again. Grabbing one of his hands with your own, you move it against your check, pressing a kiss to his palm. He swallows, his eyes still wide open, his face a bright red under his tan skin. 

You press your face against his hand, relishing on the feel of his callous hand against the soft skin of your cheek. His hand is enormous, big enough to almost cover your face. 

Letting his hand go, you sit next to him, your legs pressed close against each other. The hair of his leg feels surprisingly soft against you.

You lean closer to him, your hand resting over his in the bed. You use your other hand to run your thumb through his lips, his breath is hot and quick against your finger, you can see his racing heartbeat through the veins on his arms, and almost forcing yourself to rip your eyes away from his lips, you look at him one more time. 

"Are you alright?" He tries to answer, but the words catch up on his throat, he settles for a nod. 

Smiling, you lean even closer, looking at his eyes searching for any sign that he wants to stop. When you are certain that he wants this as much as you, you finally close the gap between the two of you and press your lips against his. 

His lips are as soft has you had imagined, a bit dry, sure, but soft and warm. You notice how he makes no movement at all, and when you try to move your lips against him, he still doesn't attempt to move. 

You pull away, your breath as quick as his, your cheeks slightly flushed too. His eyes are now closed, his expression relaxed, his cheeks are not longer a deep red and you notice how the hand resting over the bed is not closed in a fist around the bed covers. 

"Was that your first kiss?" 

Eyes opening wide and the blush returning to his cheeks on full strength he looks at the floor with his lips pressed on a thin line. 

"Muriel, everything is fine" You cup his cheek and force him to look back at you. 

"I-is it?" 

That he managed to say anything at all seems like a miracle considering how nervous he looks. 

"Just follow my lead." 

With this words, you move your lips close to him once again. This time, when you start to move your lips against his, he tries to mimic you. His hand has now move to your leg and is now resting on your thigh. Your lips part slightly, gently holding onto his lower lips with your own. A moan escapes his lips, and the hand on your leg squeezes slightly around your flesh. 

Your fingers are tangled on his hair, and your other hand has ran up every muscle on his arm until is resting on his shoulder. Your lips part once more, and this time, when you suck his bottom lip, you move up letting your tongue slide on his open mouth. He groans while his hand is tighter around your thigh.

You want to be closer to him, kiss him in a more comfortable position, so you place your hands on his chest and gently push him down to the bed. A soft growl escaped his lips and the kiss ends, but is quickly replaced by a gasp when you are resting on top of him, lips back on his mouth. 

The heat between your legs is getting uncomfortable, begging to be touched, but you don't want to rush this. You don't want to rush him. But when he moans again under your kiss, your thoughts drift away. You keep kissing this, but this time, one of your hands starts to move down his chest. 

And then his hand is around your wrist, firm like an iron grip, yet not hurting you. 

He is looking at you and he is angry. You look at him, at your hand, and then you try to move away, but he doesn't release your hand. 

"What are you doing?" His voice is firm, low and deep. There is no shyness in there anymore. Just anger and detachment. 

"I'm so sorry Muriel" You can't believe what just happened, can't believe yourself for trying to move so fast. 

"This was a mistake. All of it. I shouldn't have let you kiss me."

He moves from the bed, walking back to the nest he had made before where Inanna is fast asleep. 

"I'm sorry" Your voice is low, but he hears it nonetheless. 

His back is rigid, looking like if it could snap at any moment. With a deep breath, he turns around to face you, but doesn't look at you. 

"It's not your fault."   
He closes his eyes, an a pained expression covers his face. 

"I'm filthy, Astrid, you shouldn't get involved with me." 

"What?" Your voice rises, and you stare at him so intensely that you might nail him in the spot. 

You get up and walk towards him, keeping a good distance between the two. 

"What did you just say?" You want to reach out, to comfort him, but you don't dare to, not yet. 

"I'm an animal. I won't let you lay with one." His eyes remain closed, but resignation and pain taint every single word that leaves his lips. 

"I- Muriel, what? You are not an animal." You are desperate for touching him, offer him a shoulder to rest on, but a part of you tells you that will only make things worst now. 

"Just go to sleep. We have a long day ahead." 

With this last words he turns around and goes to lay on his nest, and you know this will be the last he says about this, at least for tonight. But that doesn't mean you will let him alone just like that. 

Grabbing all the blankets and pillows, you walk to his nest an make it as comfortable as it can be. 

"What are you doing, just go back to-"  
"No." You look at him, arms crossed and daring him to stop you. He frowns, but lets you settle down without any further complain. 

Soon after that, exhaustion takes over and you both fall asleep.   
  


* * *

_After the encounter with Lucio and Vulgora._  
  
  
The three of you decided after the fight with Vulgora, it would be best to reorganise and catch some rest. Before you realised it was near night time, so you looked for a place to expend the night.

After a quick look around, you found a good enough place sheltered by a rift near a river. 

You are now sitting down, the horses are resting by the river and you have your own back against the stone. Your mind keeps going back to the encounter with Vulgora, to how Muriel shielded you from her attack without a second of hesitation. 

Morga had decided to go on her own, as she did every time you decided to stop for the night. Muriel hasn't said much after that, part of the blood is still dry on his forehead. 

"Muriel, let me help you." You say as you kneel next to him. 

His eyes are closed, he looks regretful, and tired. "I'm fine."   
"Let's not do this again, surely you remember how this ended the first time." 

A resigned sigh leaves his mouth.   
"Fine." 

Quickly you go and fill your canteen with water from the river. When you are back, Muriel's posture seems a bit more relaxed, if still a bit stiff. 

Going back on your knees, you take a cloth and start to clean the dry blood from his face. 

"Soon we will make a tradition out of this." A slight smile pulls at your lips, and you hear Muriel snorting with amusement. 

"Stop saying things like that." He complains, but he seems more comfortable now. 

"Alright, I will." Concentrating, you call your magic upon you, and start to heal Muriel's wound. 

Once the wound is completely closed, you clean any remnants of blood. 

"Thank you." 

He frowns, so you repeat your words. 

"Thank you, Muriel, for getting in between me and Vulgora." 

"S-top it. You don't need to thank me." 

"But I want to." 

"What for." He is blushing, and he looks a bit annoyed while he looks anywhere but you. 

"Because I am grateful to you. You jumped between an attack and me without hesitating." 

"Shut up." His blush has intensified a bit more. 

With no warning, you lean over and wrap your arms around his huge back, resting your head against his chest. 

"Wh-what are you doing?!" He tries to pull you away, but you are so firmly grappled around him that the only way he will move you will be by forcefully doing so. 

"Shut up Muriel." You move closer, sitting on top of this legs, holding him with as much strength as your arms can muster. 

You are careful to avoid the spikes on his collar as you move around, pressing your face to his chest. You can feel his heartbeat against your skin, going faster and faster. 

You inhale, the myrrh filling your nose. Now that you are closer you find other scents mixed with it. The smell of the earth after it rained is under the intense scent of myrrh, and you relish on it. 

"Astrid, ple-"  
"You are not filthy." 

A silence falls between the two, but he stops his attempts to move you away, now just resting motionless against the tree. 

Thinking that he won't try to escape now, you move back, still sitting on his legs. 

"You are not, Muriel. You are not filthy, and you are not an animal. You are the gentlest man I have ever met." 

"You don't know al-"  
"I don't care."  
He stares at you with his mouth slightly open, his body tense under yours. 

You grab his hands and place them on your lap. Taking one of them onto your own, you start to massage it. Rubbing at the spots that hold the most tension on the palm. 

"This hands," you say as you massage, "have only show me gentleness."

He remains still and silent as you move to the other hand, following the same process. 

"You are not dirty. You are not unworthy. Alright?"   
Once again, you move his hand against your own cheek, pressing your face against it, then placing a kiss.

He doesn't move, or say anything at all. You move some hair from his face, tracing the scar across his cheek with the other. 

After a few more moments, you stand and start to move away. You can hear Muriel moving behind you, and then, his hand is around your wrist, pulling you towards him. 

Bending down to your height, he moves his free hand to your nape and leans for a kiss. Before his lips touch yours, you can see his cheeks burning hot. 

When your lips collide, he moves them awkwardly, just like last night, but he tries to mimic your movements, and then he is softly sucking into your lower lip. 

You moan, and he moves back to your lips, his tongue sliding into your mouth, hungry. 

Your hand slides under his cape, touching his firm torso and trying to hold to him, trying to get closer. 

You are so eager that soon you have pushed Muriel against the tree, now finally able to press your body against his. This time, you can feel his hard dick pushing against his clothes, and when you rub it with your hips, he makes a sound that seems to be a mix between a moan and a growl. 

You want to get rid of the collar around his neck, but even if you don't know the story behind it, you know mentioning it will just ruin the moment, so you ignore it. 

Muriel's sudden burst of confidence seems to keep going, because what he does next has you gaping. With a single motion, he puts his hands under your thighs, lifting you up to his height like if you weight nothing and pressing you against the tree. 

Somehow he managed to use his cape to cover your both, protecting you against the cold of the tree. 

"Y-you are too short for me." The fact of talking makes his blush come back, but he manages to keep his eyes locked to yours. "I can ki-kiss you better like this." 

A laugh leaves your lips, it's full and joyful, and the sound of it it seems to make Muriel happy. 

"Then kiss me." He gladly obeys, but this time the kiss is slower, soft. This time, he caresses your cheek like if you were as delicate as porcelain. 

Your hands move around his body, enjoying every inch you can touch. When he moves to adjust your weight, rubbing his torso in the heat between your legs, you groan, digging your nails into his skin. 

He pulls back immediately, worry and regret on his eyes as he puts you back on the floor and steps away. You miss his smell and his warmth instantly. 

"I hurt you." 

"What?" 

"You, I mean, your nails, you, you tried to get away."  
"What?" You are still confused, so he moves his cape to the side to show you the marks of your nails on his chest. 

"I hurt you." He repeats, his voice almost choked.   
"Muriel stop." You wrap your hands around his, stepping close once more. "You didn't hurt me, I just-" 

You stop mid sentence, not having consider you might have to say this sort of thing out loud. 

"Just, let me show you, alright?" 

Walking towards your equipment, you grab some of the hides that you use to make your beds in the wilderness. They are rather heavy, but you manage to take them to the rift. 

Looking inside, you make sure that the thing won't decide to collapse in top of you, and once you are satisfied with it, you lay the hides down. 

Muriel is suspiciously looking at you the whole time, even more so when you grab his hand and pull him towards the rift. Inside it is just big enough for the two of you to stand comfortably side to side. 

"What are we doing here, thi-" 

"Shush, I'm trying to concentrate." Quieting down and blushing, he looks at you as you concentrate your magic. 

You think of the sun, of fire and warmth, and a ball glowing with heat appears in your hand. The ball then morphs into a dome around you, making the cold and humid air of the rift instantly warm. Satisfied, you turn to look him. 

"That feels nice..." 

"I'm glad." 

Now that the rush of the moment has died down, his confidence seems to have died with it. You sit down, and tap next to you, inviting him to join you. 

"Come, sit down." 

He does as he is told. He looks weary, ready to bail out at any moment.

"Before, you didn't hurt me." His expression tells you he doesn't believe you. "Muriel you didn't hurt me you just-" With a groan, you rub your hand on your face. "Have you ever laid with a woman before?" 

The air escapes his lungs as your words leave your lips, and his first reaction is to try to get out and leave. "This is a mista-"   
  
Not letting him run away, you hold onto him. "Muriel everything is fine. If you haven't been with a wo-"  
"I didn't say that!"  
"Well, have you?"

"N-no, but I know how... how it- how it works. I have s-seen animals." 

Your hand presses against your mouth, unsuccessfully trying to stifle your laughter. 

"D-don't laugh!" 

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. You are just really cute."   
"I'm not cute! Stop saying this things." The mortified look he gives you says everything. 

"Alright, alright, I will stop." You chuckle a bit, but carry on. "Humans don't work exactly the same as other animals." 

He is avoiding your gaze, but you know he is listening. 

"Animals do it just to copulate, we humans do it because it brings us pleasure, and because it let us get closer to other people in a unique way. Before, you touched me in... a sensitive spot and it felt good, really good. " 

When he doesn't run away at this -thus his face is red once again-, you keep explaining.   
"For humans, when we share this sort of intimacy, our auras mingle together in some cases. Those who control magic can do it consciously and chose who to mix their aura with, but for most people is an unconscious process. The effect is not permanent, and in most cases it fades away after a few hours." 

"If we do it, our auras will mix...?" The thought seems to make him uncomfortable. 

"We don't have to do anything that you don't want to." You squeeze his hand with this words. 

He pulls you to his lap and holds you, not saying anything for several minutes, just there, hiding his face on your hair. 

"If- if I am not an animal- if you will have me, then I want this, I want you."

His words catch in his throat at times, and you know he expended all those minutes mustering the courage to say those words out loud. 

Without saying a word you gently pull away, and he let's you go while looking at you as you stand, hope and fear mixed on his face. 

You start to undress. 

He is petrified, you might have as well casted a spell on him with how still he is. He swallows several times, and when you are fully naked, you go back to his lap. His erection is hard as a rock again, and this time you notice how it is as large as the rest of his body. But you want to take your time with him, you want to show him how this can be. 

"Can I undress you?" He can't move his gaze from you and your body, and it takes a few seconds before the question reaches his brain. 

"I-I can do it myself." 

He starts to undo some of his belts and the layers of clothes. The only things remaining on is his loincloth and his collar. After swallowing hard, he let the loincloth fall to the ground, revealing his naked figure to me. He is clearly uncomfortable, but you are unsure if it's for our mutual nakedness or because of his collar. 

"Everything is fine." You extend your hand to his, and he takes it. 

Pulling him towards you, you let him lay down in the comfortable hides. 

Getting on top of him, careful to avoid his erection for now, you sit on his abdomen and bend towards his mouth. You kiss him, tentatively. His hand moves shyly to your head, the other on your low back, and you kiss each other for what seems to be hours. 

"You are wet, and hot. I can feel it on my skin." He says this as the hand on your lower back moves towards your bottom and slowly near your core. He doesn't fully touch you, and you groan in frustration, moving your hips hoping for more touch.

His massive hand moves closer, and he moves a finger through your folds, slowly, testing. You moan, pleasure running through your body, and your fingers dig on his flesh once more. 

"Y-you like that?" 

"Yes." 

"I didn't hurt you." 

"No Muriel, you didn't." 

When you grind your hips against his hand, more moans originate deep in your throat. Moving his hand back from you, he moves his fingers close to his face and looks at them, slick and covered in your wetness. He smells it, a low growl in his throat, and then tastes it. 

He sucks his fingers, carefully tasting this new flavour. The sight makes you want to shove his face between your legs. 

"You taste good." He looks at you, and his green eyes are full of desire, want and need. "I want more." 

And with this, he flips you over into your back. You gasp, and he looks at you, once again worrying that he was too harsh. 

"I'm fine." Your voice is hoarse with desire, wanting to feel him everywhere you can. 

Satisfied with your answer, he places one hand on your hair, holding his own weight with his arms and kisses you one more time. Both your hands are on his hair, grabbing his hair without pulling too hard at it. 

This time you bite his lip. He gasps, the hand around your hair tightening, he kisses you one more time, and then he bites you back. His bite is soft, delicate, more pulling at your lip than biting down. You are the one groaning this time. 

He starts moving down your body, careful to not crush you with his weight. When his face is finally between your legs, he places his hands on your thighs, spreading them open. Then he looks at you, and with a careful movement, he presses his lips against your core. 

With some tugs and some words, you guide his lips to your clit, and he soon learns that that spot causes you great pleasure. With his arms around your legs, he uses his hands to open your folds and have a better access to you.

When he passes his tongue around your clit, you scream with pleasure, lifting your hips and pulling his hair at the same time. Catching the message, he licks again, and again. 

"D-don't stop." Your voice comes out in gasps as he keeps licking and kissing. Then, you feel his finger on your entrance, moving up and down you before entering you. You arch your back while you moan once again. 

As you come closer, getting wetter and wetter, his growls grow louder. Now another finger is inside of you, and they are moving in and out while his lips keep busy on your clit. 

In a blissful moment, your whole body tenses up before coming undone, when your walls start to press against his fingers, Muriel freezes in place, looking at you. With his fingers still inside of you, almost scared to move, he asks. 

"W-what happened?" 

A lazy smile paints your lips, and you answer finally opening your eyes. 

"You made me cum."   
"Cum?" 

"Is the objective of sex, to make each other enjoy and reach the end." 

"Oh." 

Unsure of what to do, he stays in place, looking at his fingers still inside of you, slowly, he moves them out and looks between your legs. 

"It's a mess in there. Sorry."   
This time you can't hold the laughter in you. His confusion just makes you laugh harder. 

"That's how it's supposed to be." 

Your eyes fall into his erection, wet at the tip, with a few drips hanging from it. 

"It's my turn now," 

"Your turn for what." 

Pushing him on the hides, you get on top of him once again and kiss him. Moving to his well defined jaw, you nibble on it, slowly making your way down. You kiss his chest, his abdomen, and you follow the trail of hair from it. 

His breathing is irregular, constantly looking between you and the stone walls. When you grab him in your hand, squeezing and moving slowly, he gasps, his hips jolting at the touch. 

"Astrid wha-" 

Not letting him finish, you put the head of his dick in your mouth and start to move your tongue around it. His hands are tight fists around the hides, his knuckles white. 

He is big, very much so, and you have trouble fitting him in your mouth. Nonetheless you keep trying. Using both your hands on his shaft, you start to motion up and down, following with your head. Your tongue moves in circles at times, up and down in others. 

When you suck hard as you move back, his whole body tenses up. You can see the veins in his arms popping with the tension in them. You moan while his dick is in your mouth, the vibration causing him to moan in return. 

"I-I want more." His voice is strangle with pleasure, and he is looking at you, begging for release. 

Giving him a last suck, you scramble back on top of him. Your nipples are hard and upset about the lack of attention they had, but you think you can show Muriel all the places that will make you shiver in the future. 

Placing his hands on your hips, you look at him, and grab him with your hand, rising yourself above him, you press his head against your entrance, and then, slowly, you move down as he enters you. 

His size is stretching you almost painfully. _Almost._

Both your eyes are closed and his hands are gripping your hips harder than he would ever allow if he was aware of it. With one last movement, you impale yourself with him right to the bottom. Muriel is shaking under you, eyes closed in intense focus. 

After a few seconds, you start to move up, and once again, down, feeling every inch of him. This time, he his moving his hips up to meet you. You give yourself a second to catch your breath before you start to move again. 

Leaning onto his chest, you start to move your hips on a rhythmic fashion. Your nipples are rubbing against the hair of his chest as you keep moving, his hands now helping you to move your hips. 

Your breath is becoming faster by the second, and your movements are becoming erratic. Muriel is moving his hips under you, pumping into you as well as he can. Your nails are deep in his skin, your hands trying to become fists, but he either doesn't notice it or doesn't mind it. 

The wave of pleasure is becoming higher and higher, your body starts to tense up and you stop moving. Muriel keeps moving his hips, going in an out of you with the slick noise of your union, his hands forcing your hips to move with him. 

And then the pleasure explodes. It washes over you as your walls cling to Muriel's dick. With this, the orgasm hits him, and you can feels his dick pulsating inside of you as it releases. 

Sweat is pearling both your skins, both panting for breath. Your limbs are soft and limp, just resting on the sides. 

After a few moments, you feel Muriel's arm wrap around you, pressing you against his chest with a satisfied sound coming from his throat.

Pulling out, you move to lay on your side, resting side to side. He moves to his side, throwing and arm over you and pulling you close making your head rest on his arm. He looks at you, a different light shinning on his gaze. 

"I can feel our auras." A hand moves up your face, tenderly pushing a lock of hair off. "It's nice." 

"It is isn't it?" You close your eyes, focusing on them. 

"Is like we are next to a fire while there is rain outside." He mutters. 

"It is." 

Muriel moves to grab one of the hides and throw it over the two of you. A comfortable silence falls as you cuddle under the covers. 

After several moments, when you are almost asleep between the warmth of Muriel's body, he speaks on a low tone. 

"Thank you." 

You are too sleepy to fully answer, so you offer him a hum as you snuggle closer to his chest. He holds you tighter, and presses his lips against your head. 

"Thank you for seeing me as a person." 

After murmuring those words, he closes his eyes and drifts off to sleep. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright this chapter starts rather angsty, but as I can not stand angst without fluff, I promise you fluffiness here too (and smut ;D).

A few days have passed since you and Muriel slept together. You are now riding your horses, following the trait of information Vulgora gave you after Morga defeated her back in the cave. 

The morning in which you woke up, Muriel had already been awake, unwilling to move as to not disturb you. It had been early in the morning, the sun barely rising on the east. You remember the exchange of words you had, a frown set in your face while you do so. 

_"Up so early?" Your voice was low, remnants of sleep still noticeable on it. "How long have you been awake?"_

_"...I didn't want to wake you up."_

_"Dawn has only started."_

_You sat up, rubbing your eyes with one hand while getting your wits together. When you turned to look at Muriel, you noticed the dark circles around his eyes. The look of exhaustion on him. You felt awake immediately._

_"Muriel? Did you sleep at all last night?"_

_Avoiding your gaze, he sat too, awkwardly moving his hands around._

_"I tried to."_

_"You couldn't sleep, then?"_

_"I-I could, but..." He falls silent, his sad eyes set on the ground._

_You reached out to him, wanting to comfort him, but he recoiled. Frozen in place, you moved your hand back to your side, unsure of what to say next._

_"Is it the nightmares?"_

_Your voice was low, worried. But when you mentioned this, he flinched as if you had thrown a blow at him. Still avoiding your gaze, he got up without giving you an answer and started to get dressed. You were quiet, looking at him. He left in a hurry, Inanna already waiting at the entrance of the rift, most likely having sensed the distress on him._

_"Give him space, Astrid." You said to yourself. Every part of you wanted to run after him, hold him, comfort him, but you also knew he needed his own time to come to terms with everything._

_You could still feel his aura mixed with yours, so after you got dressed yourself, packing the hides and walking out, you gave a gentle tug to the part of his aura that still entwined with your own. You covered that tug with comforting emotions, not wanting to invade Muriel's space just now but sure as hell that you would not allow him even for a second to believe you were not there for him._

_You knew he had felt you when you saw his back stiffening and the air catching on his throat. He turned around, but you had already been with your back to him getting some food before readying the horses for another day of tracking Lucio._

* * *

Now, while on top of your horse, you could not stop glancing at Muriel's hunched posture. He had been avoiding you as much as possible, only talking to you when absolutely necessary, not even looking at you.

You knew he was only afraid, you knew he was just scared. 

Scared of his nightmares. 

Scared of his past. 

Scared of hurting you. 

Scared of you hurting him. 

You knew all of this, still, you couldn't stop the dull pain you felt every time you caught him looking at you with his eyes full of sorrow, fear and something else you could not identify. He was not even sleeping near you any more. Every night he would take his bedroll and take it somewhere in the forest. 

After a few more hours of riding, Morga came by to call it a day and rest for the night. As per usual, Muriel started to tend to the horses while you prepared the campfire and the rations for dinner. You carried the whole process in silence. 

Sitting next to the fire, with Inanna enjoying her meal next to it, you saw Muriel getting up and grabbing his bedroll. Eyes fixated on the flame, you ignored him as he disappeared into the trees. A whine took your attention, making you turn your gaze towards Inanna. She was not eating anymore, her ears flat against her head, looking at the direction from which Muriel had left. Standing on her fours, she walked next to you, pushing her head between your hands, offering you some comfort. Then, she trotted away, following Muriel as she did every night. 

Your lips were a thin line while staring unmoving to the fire. You wanted to reach out, but there was nothing you could do now. His aura had faded days ago, leaving you with nothing to reach out. Frustrated you lashed out with your magic, flames rising much higher into the night sky. Not a sound left your mouth while you poured your emotions into them.

You didn't stopped until the flames went back to their normal size, feeling drained after the intense use of magic. Barely making it to your bedroll, you felt asleep as soon as you hit the pillow. 

* * *

"Astrid!"

Two strong warm hands were holding your cold face as you woke up with a scream catching in your throat. The first thing you saw were two deep green eyes staring at your own. They were full of concern. Your breath felt ragged while your heart was hammering in your chest, sweat was pearling your skin, making you feel sticky a shiver ran up your skin as a cold night breeze came by. A heavy cloak fell on your shoulders when you moved to sit down. 

Still unsure of what had happened, you look at Muriel, still holding your face in his hands, his thumb brushing away a lonely tear falling down your cheek. When you are more focused on the now, you notice his breath is hard like if he had just ran at full speed, his pupils are dilated and he seems almost frantic. He is not wearing his cape, instead, it's wrapped around your shoulders, his warmth and his smell lingering on it. When you get your breath under control, you ask. 

"W-what happened?" 

"You screamed." 

Both of you remain silent, his hands no longer cupping your face. You avoid looking at each other, awkward with the situation. Awkward with being so close to each other again. 

"It was just a nightmare... go back to sleep." He stands with eyes closed, likely thinking about his own nightmares, then turning to leave. 

"I don't think it was." Your vocal cords are dry, making your voice hoarse as you speak. "I think it was a memory, from... before." 

He freezes on the spot and you can see every muscle on his body going stiff under his clothes. You are desperately trying to remember every detail about your dream, but the more you focus the more it fades away. The only thing remaining is the feeling of that gut gripping fear invading you. And blood, blood staining sand. 

"Muriel...? Did I know you...?" Your hands are in your forehead, head tilted down, trying to make sense of _something._

He turns around very slowly, his eyes now fixated on you, pain filling them. His hands are closed in tight fists, making his knuckles go white. 

"...Yes." 

You take a deep breath, trying to remain as calm as possible. Lifting your head and setting your gaze on him, you extend your hand, wanting more than ever for him to take it. After a few moments of hesitation, he goes down on his knees and pulls you to his chest. His face is buried on your hair, his arms holding you so close that you think you might snap. But what you notice the most is how violently he is shaking. You place your arms around his massive body, running your hands over his scarred skin, letting his warmth anchor you. 

"I can't remember much. I was afraid, so very afraid. And the blood, I remember blood staining sand. Then you woke me up." 

Even if it feels impossible, his shaking intensifies, one of his hand is fist around your hair while the other is tight around his cape still hanging on your shoulders. 

"What happened between us? D-did we hurt each other?"   
"No!" He pushes you by the shoulders, looking at you in the eyes. They are wide open, and still stained with panic. It looks like right now he is not fully here, with you. 

You lift your hands to his face, barely able to cover his cheeks. 

"Stay with me." 

Closing his eyes, he places his hands over your own, taking ragged breaths until he seems to relax in the slightest. Then, he places your hands over his chest while he bends over to press his forehead to yours, eyes closed, tho the shaking does not stop.

"...We were friends."

You don't dare to move, fearing anything will stop him from talking. You feel a headache starting to form, but you ignore it. 

"...Well... you tried to be my friend and I kept pushing you away."

You can feel the memories trying to form in your head, but the clearer the image, the more intense the headache gets. You bite your tongue, you want to know the truth, but the pain becomes some great that you can keep the yelp inside your lungs. 

Snapping his eyes open the second he hears you, he starts to erratically brush the locks of hair away from your hair. 

"It's too much, I said too much. Is not safe for you." 

Clenching your jaw, the pain finally fading away, you manage to muster some words. 

"What is happening to me?" 

"I-I can'- y-you." Stopping for a second to collect his thoughts, he takes a deep breath before continuing. "You are not ready to know yet. Asra told me if you remember too much at once it could kill you." 

"...I understand." 

Finally letting you go, Muriel stands up. 

"...Sleep." 

Moving before you even think about it, you move quickly to get hold of his hand as he turns around. He tenses up, glancing at your hands wrapped around his. 

"Please." A quiet plea. 

"...I can't." 

"Why?" You can feel anger starting to mix with the rest of your feelings. "Because you will hurt me?" 

His pained expression is all the answer you need. 

"You don't know all the things I have done. My hands are full of blood." 

"I don't care.I care about how you got between me and Lucio back in the forest, I care about how you let me stay at your hut that first time, I care about how you trusted me to heal you, I care about you gave me the only food you had left, I care about how you took the hit for me against Vulgora-" You can't continue talking, your voice getting caught in your throat. 

He is looking at your wrist, delicate when compared to his rough, calloused hand. He grips your wrist, applying light pressure to it. Your hand curls inwards with it. 

"You are so delicate... I could break you in my sleep." 

And that makes you angry. 

You stand up, you focus on your frustration, on your pain, on all that life you can't remember. And you use it to shape it in an invisible force that pushes him a few feet away. He is looking at you, eyes wide. 

You stride until you are next to him, grabbing the belt around his chest, you pull until he bends down until you are face to face. 

"I am a magician, do not underestimate me, Muriel. You might be much stronger than me, you might be able to break my bones with your bare hands, but I can do the same to you." 

Then, you close the distance between the two and kiss him, deep, hard. He instantly returns the kiss while pulling you up, one hand under your ass, the other across your back, keeping you close to his while his tongue slides inside your mouth. Once again, he moves until your back is resting against a tree, this time, when he rubs his torso between your legs making you moan in the middle of a kiss, he gives a satisfied noise. Your hands pull at his hair, making him growl. You try to expose his throat an- 

You become still. Muriel feels this and stops right away, looking at you, an unasked question in his eyes. 

"Your collar." 

He tenses straight away. 

"Can we take it off?" 

"No." His tone is harsh, giving no room to discussion.

But you don't care about his tone. 

"Why not?" 

He closes his eyes before answering.

"It helps me to control myself." 

"...What? Muriel, put me down." 

He does so, reluctantly. 

Sliding your arms around his torso, you lift your head up to him. 

"You are the most self controlled person I have ever meet." 

"I'm not... I'm an animal." 

You look at him, frowning, but before you can say anything, he keeps talking. 

"It's you... I-I want you." He is shaking again, hands back to being fists. When his eyes meet yours, you see something you had not seen before. Under all his troubled emotions, there is a deep hunger, a deep wish to belong, belong _to you._ "I want you so badly that it scares me. I want you so badly that I don't know if I will be able to control myself." 

"You think that you will hurt me without it?" 

"...Yes." 

"Muriel?" When he opens his eyes to look at you, you give him a small smile. "I can kick your ass with or without collar." 

He chuckles, and for a second, he is more relaxed. He moves his arms around you and presses you against his hard body, exhaling one time before saying. 

"I-I'm scared." 

"Hey." Your voice is soft as you caress his cheek. "I know that you will never hurt me, no matter what. I trust you." 

"...You shouldn't." 

"Tell me, have you ever hurt Inanna?" 

"What?! No! Why would you even say that?!" His eyes are wide open as he looks at you like if he can't believe what you just said. 

"What about your chickens? Ever hurt them?" 

"No!" 

"Then what makes you think that you will hurt me?" 

You can see the conflicting emotions crossing his face. He wants to trust, but the fear is real. The two of you are standing near the fire without saying a word. You start to think that he will turn around, and leave back to the depths of the forest, and when he does turn around, you don't expect it when he goes down on his knees. He bends his head down, exposing the back of the collar to you. He doesn't say anything, he doesn't need to. You step closer. When you press your hands on his shoulders and slide them towards his neck, he shivers. The collar has rust marks around the lock, and you wonder for how many years he has carried this. 

You concentrate your magic, and with a soft glow, the collar clicks open and falls to the ground with a metallic sound. Muriel doesn't move, doesn't react. Tentatively, carefully, you move your hands to the now exposed nape. He is shaking, so you go down to your knees and press a delicate kiss on the pale skin of his neck. He gasps, another shiver running up his body. You press your torso against his back, your arms sliding across his chest while you continue to cover his nape with soft kisses. He then holds your hand and tugs you gently, wordlessly asking you to move. You do so and go to his front. 

The shaking won't stop, and is starting to worry you. You start to regret taking his collar off. 

"Are you alright...?" 

He nods. 

"Do you want to be alone...?" 

He shakes his head. 

His hand moves ever so slow towards his throat, when his fingertips touch his own skin, he closes his eyes, unable to believe this is real. He then moves his hand towards the side in which neck and shoulder meet, he rubs his own skin, focusing on the sensation. You don't dare to interrupt, so you stay there, watching. When he finally opens his eyes, he moves to grab your hand on his own and starts to caress it. He meets your gaze and gulps, a blush covering his cheek. 

"I-I... I..." he stops for a moment, collecting his thoughts, you assume. "I want to... _be_ with you, a-and I feel in control. I don't want to only _take_ you, I w-want to... take time." 

You feel your breath quickening with his words as a heat starts to spread between your legs. You still don't dare to move, not wanting to startle him by doing so. So you wait, and he pulls you into his lap. He moves closer to your face, touching your cheek with the highest delicacy. When his lips meet yours, they move softly against your own. Your nipples are hard against the fabric of your tunic, and when they brush against his chest, you let a quiet moan out. He looks at you, at your lips, wet and red from his attention. Then his eyes move to your breasts, noticing how you move them against his torso. 

Slowly, his hands moves to your shoulder, then down your throat. His calloused fingers open your tunic, letting it slide off your arms, exposing your breasts to him. You shiver with the cold breeze, pressing yourself closer to him, the fire on your back keeping you warm. You start to open his belts, enjoying the contact with his firm ample muscles, enjoying the noises he makes. When his torso is completely naked, he kisses you some more, then, easily lifting your weight, he turns you around, back pressed against his torso. You twist your head to look at him, and when your eyes meet he blushes. 

"W-what are you looking at?" 

"You." 

"S-stop it." 

You chuckle, and you press a kiss to his jaw. The stubble scratches your lips, but you enjoy the sensation. You start to nibble at his jaw when you feel his massive hand moving to your breast. Your breath quickens, and when he touches your nipple, you moan. He holds his breath, watching you react as he learns your body. He teases your nipple with his fingertip, then, he holds it while playing with it. One hand is at his hair, the other resting on his forearm. After a while, his free hand moves down your stomach and you hold your breath. You can feel his mouth next to your ear, and you know he is watching you as you open your legs wide for him. 

When his finger slides down your folds, you pull on his hair by instinct, he growls on your ear, but doesn't stop his exploration. 

"Is it... normal? How wet you are?" His voice is hoarse as he moves his fingers through you. 

"It is, but you make it happen fast." 

He grunts with satisfaction, something inside him feeling good about it. He slides one of his fingers inside you while his palm presses against your clit. You yelp, and moan, and you feel like you are going to melt in his arms. He keeps moving his finger in an out, slowly, driving you crazy. You would think he was teasing you if you didn't knew better. But you do, and you know he is trying to be gentle with you. And you let him, because you know he needs it. He needs to be in control know, to prove to himself that he can do this. 

When your hips start to move on their own against his hand, he slips another finger inside you, and they are so big that they are already stretching you. His dick, still inside his pants, is placed between your asscheeks under the fabric separating you. Your ass rubs against him, and he moans in your ear while his fingers twist inside you, you scream with pleasure when he hits a good spot. Your arms are tense around his body, feeling like you need to hold to him for dear life. He moves his fingers faster, and then, waves of pleasure wash over you as your muscles spasm around Muriel's fingers. 

He keeps moving them at a very low speed, carrying you through your orgasm the whole time. When he slips his fingers out, he rubs them between your folds a few more times before moving you. 

He places you with your back on his cape, long forgotten on the floor. He takes all of his remnant clothes off and looks at you while moving on top of you. You are not a short person, but with him on top of you, with his massive body covering yours, you do feel small. 

He rests his weight on his elbows and looks at you. He kisses you, sucking at your lips as he moves back. He grabs himself with one hand, but before entering you, he asks. 

"Can I-"

"Yes." You don't even let him finish his question. You want to feel him inside of you again. 

You move your legs around his hips, pushing him closer, and with that, he moves the tip of his hard dick to your core, and moving it a few times up and down between your fold, he makes it wet before starting to go in. He is wide and big, as the rest of his body is, and as he slowly presses in, making the both of you hold your breath, he stretches you. He looks at you, waiting for any sign of pain, but there is any. You love the slight ache you feel at first, you relish on it. When he is all the way in, he stops for a few moments, breathing hard on your cheek. You start to caress his back, whispering on his ear. 

"We have time." 

Shuddering, he moves his hips back slowly, moving back in even slower, feeling every inch going in until there is nothing left. 

"Astrid...?" You open your eyes, and he is looking at you, his eyes hopeful and wary. "I don't want our auras to be apart." When you don't show any sings of rejection, he adds. "Ever." 

"Neither do I." Your smile is easy, lazy, honest. 

"Wh-what? Really?" He is staring at you, eyes wide open. Like if he was expecting you to refuse it. 

"Yes." 

He moves his lips to yours, and as they meet, he starts to move his hips. You moan on each other mouth, your nails digging on his back, his hand a fist on your hair. He growls when you scratch his back, and he thrust hard into you. He grabs your leg and puts it over his shoulder, then, he starts to pump in you again. You feel like your heart is going to explode inside your chest, and as he gets closer to release, his thrust become faster, harder, but never rough. 

"Muriel." You gasp, you don't know why you said his name, you just wanted to hear it, you wanted to say the name of the man touching you like if you were the most important thing in this world. You calling his name seems to have a big impact on him, and he starts to go faster, harder. You feel your body tense up, and you know you are about to cum, after a few more pushes you finish with a moan, calling his name one more time. 

"...Astrid. I'm g-going to..." His voice is ragged, and you know he is asking you permission to end inside of you. 

"Do it." Your orgasm is still going on, with your inner walls twitching around Muriel's dick, and with one final push, he buries himself as deep as he can inside you. You feel the spasms, his hot seed filling you up. 

Before collapsing, he roles over taking you with him, having you on resting on his chest, with him still inside of you. You press your hand against his chest, feeling his strong heartbeat against it. You know you could fall asleep right now, feeling satisfied, warm and safe between his arms. He starts to caress your back while you both recover your breath. 

"Astrid... I wanted to say so-something." You move your head to meet his eyes, and you see it clear as day, you know what he wants to say. 

"Umm?" He clears his throat a few times, tries to start to talk a few more, and so you laugh. Is a soft laugh, the kind of laugh you reserve for those moments of intimacy. After some more moments, you feel a tug in your aura, and when you pay attention to it, you feel the emotions that Muriel is pouring into you. 

_Protect._

_Care._

_Keep._

_Treasure._

_Mine._

_Yours._

_Love._

The emotions rush you, feeling each one of them as if they were your own. You hold his emerald gaze as he searches for any sings of rejection. He doesn't find any. 

"I feel it too." 

"You do?" 

"Yes." 

"...Are you sure?" The insecurity in his voice, his arms pressing you against his body as if you were going to disappear at any moment make you smile. You chuckle.

"Yes Muriel, I am sure that I, Astrid, love you." 

When you say the words outloud, a soft pink covers his cheeks, but his eyes, which usually look tired, look now happy, hopeful. 

"Will you sleep with me?"

He stops to consider, thinking, examining himself. 

"I think... we can try." 

You give him a soft kiss on the lips, brush his hair out of his forehead. You trace his scars. 

"I know your nightmares won't disappear just like that, maybe they never will, but I know you won't hurt me, ever. Regardless, if you feel like you prefer to sleep alone, I will accept that, for now." 

"...Thank you." 

Covering you both with his cape and some covers, he moves you so your back is facing the fire, your front pressed against him. You throw a leg over his hip, and he moves his leg between yours. They start to relax more and more in each other arms, finding comfort on their mixed auras. You keep passing reassuring feelings through your union, and you feel him soften more and more. When you are about to fall asleep, you tug at his hair to get his attention one more time. 

"Sleep, alright?" 

"...I will." 

With that, the two of you drift to the land of dreams, and when you wake up in the morning, Muriel is asleep next to you. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know, I said to myself "maybe you could not write smut on this chapter too, Meira." Well, guess who failed lol.

Your group had been travelling south for a couple more days without a trace of Lucio to be found. Finally, your group decided the best course of action was to return to Vesuvia and speak to Asra. With his knowledge of magic, you might learn what Lucio had planned for the heart he stole.  
You and Muriel had been sleeping together most days. When he had nightmares, you woke him up and comforted him until he was calmed once more. Fortunately he hadn't had as many nightmares as usual according to him. You suspected this was due to his subconscious being able to feel your presence during his sleep, anchoring him to the present.

After several days, you were back in Vesuvia. Heading straight for the palace, you found Morga already waiting at the doors, her dismissive glare set on the guards.

"We are here to speak with the Countess and the Magician."

The guards gulped, glancing between Morga's stern face and Muriel's seer side. Luckily for them you were the one speaking, a gentle smile set curling your lips. Still uneasy, they nodded at you before standing aside.

"We will let the Countess know of your return. If you head to the stables they will take care of the horses and baggage."

"Thank you." With a nod of your own, you walk through the open doors guiding your horse by the reins.

"I will go ahead." Is all Morga says before marching on.

Muriel walks at your side, you slip your fingers to his giving him a gentle squeeze, also caressing his aura with your own. You had sensed the discomfort building up the closer you had gotten to the city. His whole posture had changed, hunching himself down again, trying to make himself smaller, unnoticeable. He gives your hand a squeeze back, his hand engulfing your own. When you glance at him, he is looking back at you with a grateful smile. He still walks slightly hunched, but you can feel he is more serene now.

Before you reach the stables, you stop, making Muriel do the same. You step close to him, and he cups your cheek with his hand without thinking. You close your eyes for a second, then you place your hands over his as you hold them against your chest. You look up at him, his eyes reflecting concern.

"We will catch him."

He doesn't answer, visibly uncomfortable and avoiding your gaze.

"Muriel, we will."

He meets your eyes, biting his lip before speaking.

"If he returns we don't know what he will bring with him, Astrid." His voice is full of worry, fear too.

"If he does return somehow, we will kick his ass back to hell." You offer him a cocky smile, hoping your humour will lighten him up.

It doesn't.

His jaw is set, his teeth clenched and he is looking at you as if you could disappear at any moment.

"Hey, we got this Muriel." You place a hand on his cheek as you give him a serious look. The firmness on your voice carrying your purpose and determination.

He pulls you close and hides his face on your hair, taking in your smell. He is shaking slightly.

"If something happens to you..." He can't keep talking, his words cut by a sob in his throat.  
You feel his fear in your own skin along with a deep sense of failure. Almost rooted to his core. You wonder why he is feeling this, and then it clicks.

"Something happened, didn't it? Before I lost my memory?"

"...Yes." His arms tighten around you, and you feel like you will turn into pulp if he puts any more force into it.

"Whatever happened back then... It won't happen again, I won't allow it." Your voice is almost a whisper, intended only for him to hear.

When he finally lets go of you, he doesn't acknowledge your words.

"...We should hurry, Morga must be with them already."

You agree and continue your walk towards the stables. When you finally reach them, you and hand over your horses to the stablemen and quickly head back to the palace after giving your mounts a few pats.  
When you reach the main entrance, a servant is already waiting for you, ready to take you to the room in which Nadia, Asra and Morga are.

As soon as you enter the room, the sense of gloom impregnates you. You look at everyone in the room as they turn to look at you. Asra's eye widen when he notices the collar is gone from Muriel's neck, but says nothing about.

"Astrid, Muriel, I hope the trip wasn't too uncomfortable." She gestures for the two of you to take a seat.

"It was an interesting experience." You sit down, Muriel doesn't. Instead he is standing at your back, looming over you and glaring at every corner of the room.

This doesn't go unnoticed for Asra or Nadia, who quirk an eyebrow at this. A small smile tugs at their lips before their concern settles back in.

"Morga has already told us what happened in the cave." Asra said. "If all this is correct, I am mostly certain of what Lucio is planing."

A dreadful silence hangs in the air for a second before he speaks again.

"I think he is planing to recover his body."

You stare at him, clearly confused and unsure. Muriel's aura is growing agitated by the second, even if his body does not reflect it.

Staring at you, Morga speaks.

"If he returns to his body, so will the Plague."

The shock is visible in your face as your eyes open widely, a headache starts to form in the back of your head. Muriel's energy is now slamming against the confines of your essence, trying to wrap itself around you. You don't think he even realises this is happening as you feel his leg against the back of your head.

"What do you mean?" Words finally leave your throat as you rub your neck with one hand, trying to calm down the forming headache.

"On his eight-teen birthday, he made a deal to be able to kill me and his father. In the day of his birthday, the Plague awakens in his body."

You don't remember the Plague, but you know most of the population of Vesuvia died on it. Your headache intensifies and a wince threatens to escape your lips, but you manage to control it.  
"How do we stop it?"

"We kill him for good." Morga's tone is plain and clear, as if the answer is obvious.

Everyone is silent until Nadia intervenes.

"You must be tired from your trip." She raises from her seat and sets her gaze on you. "Feel free to use my personal bath room, I will arrange rooms for the two of you. You are welcome to stay too, Morga, but I suppose you will decline the offer."

"I will remain here for the time being. Knowing my son as I do, he will wait for the Masquerade to do his appearance. When he does, I will be ready to put an end to this."

With this, she turns around and leaves the room.

You are standing now with Muriel standing on your side. You can tell he just wants to grab you and take you away from here.

"Thank you for the offer Nadia, a bath will be more than welcome."

"Excellent." With a sign of her hand a servant approaches. "Take them to my bathroom, ensure they have anything they wish."

"Yes Countess." With a bow, he moves the door an opens it for you. "If you follow me."

Silently, you make your way to the bathroom, and as soon as you walk inside, the warmth and fragrant smell of citrus washes over you.

"You will find robes and towels over that room." The servant points to an adjacent room. "You might undress and leave your clothes there, a servant will collect them and wash them for you."

At the mention of this, Muriel moves his hands protectively around the scarf that you gifted him.

"I don't want you to take this."

"Of course, if you wish, you may leave any piece of clothing you do not wish to be taken here." He points to a set of drawers on the side of the room. "You can also find refreshments on the other room."

Bowing one more time, he heads to the door. "Please, enjoy your bath and do not hesitate to call for the service if you need anything else."

Once you are alone, Muriel shoves you against his chest as he starts to shake. Before you can say anything, he starts to speak as panic takes over him.

"We have to leave, leave Vesuvia, go far away from here."

"Muriel what are you talking about?"

"We can't stay. When Lucio returns it will be too dangerous."

Pressing your hands against his chest, you push him away. You don't want to be rough, but you know you need to be firm if you want him to listen to you in his actual state.

"I won't leave the city if there is imminent danger. People might need my help, specially if the Plague returns."

As you talk, you find your own words awfully familiar. You can sense is not exactly the same, but still, the sense of saying this words before doesn't disappears. You feel the headache coming back, stronger than before.

"Please Ast-" He cuts himself when the pain becomes too great for you to ignore, making you wince. He has stopped shaking and his full focus is on you. "What's wrong?"

Rubbing your temples, you concentrate on his hands, his scent, his warmth. "It's this headache that comes every time I think I am starting to remember things from before. The harder I try the greater the pain."

His green eyes are fixated on your, looking every inch of your face. He wants to take your pain away, badly. You hear him grunt, the pain goes down. And then you feel it, you feel his own magic pulling your pain into himself.

"Muriel stop!"

He grunts again as he ignores you, he tries to take more, but now aware of the situation you slam your inner shields and stop him. The throbbing has stopped now, and a dull ache is on place.

"What did you do?"

"I hate seeing you in pain." He seems annoyed with you, upset that you didn't let him take it all away from you.

"And what makes you think I don't hate seeing you in pain?"

"I can take it."

"So do I."

You feel yourself getting angry, angry at how little he cares for himself. But then you think if the places were reversed you would do exactly the same thing. You move your arms around him, pressing your face to his chest.

"I can't let you take it all, but we can share it."

"I want it all."

Frowning, you look up at him. "Muriel that is my last offer, take it or I will block you out every time you try something like that again."

Grumbling, he gives a nod.

With that settled, you go to the other room and start to undress, you grab some robes and place them next to the pool. You walk in first, stepping your foot, testing the water temperature. It's hot, but not too hot that it would burn your skin. You hear Muriel's heavy steps behind you, a towel tied around his waist. You look at him an chuckle. An intense blush covers his cheeks as he looks away from you.

"How can you still be shy around me?" The laugh doesn't fully leave you as you see the red spread from his face down his neck.

"S-shut up."

With one last laugh, you sink into the water and sigh with pleasure. The heat around you starts to relax your muscle, fresh petals floating in the water as you breath the delicate smell of the oils. Muriel gets in too, soft waves moving with his movement. You turn around to face him, and you see him awkwardly moving towards you, the towel left on the side of the pool. He holds your face with his hands before placing a soft kiss in your lips. You both melt into the kiss before moving to rest on the seats within the pool.

Muriel moves his arm over your shoulders as you rest your head on it. Eyes closed, you enjoy the sweet caress of the water on your skin. After a few minutes, you move to the side that has all the different oils and soaps. You feel Muriel's eyes watching you. With no need to turn around, you can see his half closed eyes, the relaxed shape of his shoulders. Finally settling for waterlily soap and sweet almond oil. But then, before you return to Muriel's side, you see some cream meant for the hair, opening the pot, you scent lavender, coconut and something else you can't identified. You take this too. You grab one of the floating baskets left on the side to carry things in the water. Useful. Placing your selected items on one of them, you slowly swim back to Muriel, his arms already open for you. You press a kiss to his neck and he shivers, his eyes closed.

"Let me wash you." His blush is almost instantaneous. It amazes you how his shyness strikes at moments like this. "If that's fine with you?" You add.

He looks around, like if he is checking no one will walk in. Finally, he nods. He gets out of the water, grabs the towel and sits on one of the stone benches next to it. You follow him taking the basket with you. Placing it on the bench, you grab the soap and start to rub it against his wet skin. You start with the front shoulders, you apply a layer of soap and then move on with your hands. the fragrance of waterlily rises with every bubble, and you watch him closing his eyes and relaxing. His muscles are firm, but they don't carry the tension they usually have, you wash thoroughly, moving down one arm at a time. You apply more soap on his arms and repeat the process. His arms are as big as your legs, probably bigger, if you are being honest.

When you are done with it, you move down to the hands, you make sure to clean every part of them, giving him a small massage too. He sighs under his breath as he relaxes even more. You then proceed to wash his chest, the hairs are now soft and they tickle at your skin. You trace the scar on his chest with your fingertips, and then start to kiss them. His hands grip at the edge of the bench and you can feel his heartbeat skipping a beat under your lips. You move down to his abdomen and repeat the process on his scar.

As you get closer down, you feel him squirm under your touch. Chuckling, you keep washing, and very slowly, making sure to caress his skin in the process, you move the towel to the side, letting it cover his dick still. He blushes but doesn't stop you. You wash his thighs, biting your lip in the process. You don't think he is aware of how attractive he is, which is something you can not even start to comprehend.

You finish washing his legs and feet, and rinsing away the dirty soap, you move to his back.

His shoulders are so wide that you could easily sit on his shoulder, you smile at the mental image. As you wash away the dirt, you trace every scar with your fingers. One of them is particularly large scar that had always given you a sense of dread. You press your palm against it, and you feel him stiffening slightly against your touch. You frown slightly, knowing something about this scar is important. But you don't want to taint this moment, so you carry on, ignoring it for now. He relaxes again.

When you are done with his body, you move your arms around his neck, leaning over his shoulder.

"Can I wash your hair?" You place a kiss against his cheek and caress his chest.

Turning his head, he traps your lips on his own. "If you want to."

Opening the pot with the hair cream, you place a generous amount on your hand and start to massage his scalp. He almost groans with your touch, once his hair is covered on the cream, nice and slippery, you start to untangle it with the utmost care. To your shock, and his, a purr starts on his throat. As soon as it comes out, he stops it and you see from behind him his neck turning red.

"S-sorry."

"Don't be. I like it."

The redness intensifies.

"Why?"

"Why?" You fake a pensive face before answering. "Because you are really cute."

He stands, grabbing the towel with one hand. He turns around to face you, red as a beet.

"I-I'll wash you know."

With a chuckle, you sit on the bench and look at him going down on one knee as he grabs the soap. He blushes for a moment, then proceeds to wash your skin as you did with his.

His touch is delicate, gentle, his big hands almost covering your shoulders on his entirety. When he starts to wash your sides, he starts to blush as he gets close to your breasts, your breath quickens slightly, and it doesn't go unnoticed. He clears his throat a few times, and then his hands are covering your breasts. He gulps, and you bite your lip, trying to keep your noises yourself, you press your legs together, and Muriel notices this too.

As he cleans your chest, you feel your nipples hardening under his palms. He gasps, and slowly, carefully, he touches them with his fingertips. You squirm, still biting your lips, his mouth is slightly open as he looks at you, his tongue wetting his lips that suddenly feel dry. He touches them again, and you move your legs, your hands gripping the bench as hard as you can. Your eyes are closed, but you feel Muriel moving closer, you feel his hands on your knees as he parts your legs and puts himself in between them. The next thing you feel is his mouth enveloping your nipple. This time you can't keep the moan to yourself.

Your hands fly to his hair and you keep him close as his tongue plays with you. His hand moves up to your other breast, he cups it and uses his thumb to caress your nipple. You cry out, trying to keep the volume down. After a while, he moves to your other breast, substituting his hand for his mouth. He sucks your nipple, his tongue moving around it, encircling it, rubbing it. You feel the touch of teeth, soft, careful, and when you open your eyes, you see him watching you, paying attention to your expression, making sure that you enjoy everything. You know by now you are really wet, you can feel it. And he knows it too.

His hand slides down your stomach, and he starts to wash between your legs, he opens them a bit more and rinses the soap away. He kisses you, caressing your lips with his own, then, he starts to kiss your jaw, your neck, your throat, your collarbone. He keeps going down, leaving a trail of kisses down your abdomen. He makes you lay back on the bench and then puts your legs over his shoulders. You feel his soft breath on your skin. 

"Can I clean you here too...?" 

You open your eyes and see his beautiful mouth at bare inches from you. He is massaging your legs, waiting for your answer. You nod, and as soon as you do so, he closes his eyes and places his lips on you. You pant, your hands flying once again to his hair. He starts to lick every part of you, making sure he "cleans" everything away. 

After he has licked all your folds, he starts to lick, rub and suck your clit. You can't stand all this pleasure and your back arches in response. Soon, you are coming on his mouth. He growls and digs his fingers in your hips. You expect him to stop, but instead, he keeps going, you press your hand to you mouth to hold your scream inside your lungs. 

"You are going to kill me." You say between gasps and moans. 

He ignores you and keeps worshipping your body until you come once again. Your back lays flat against the bench, your chest rising heavily with every breath. Giving you a few more licks, he washes everything away before lifting your back and placing himself behind you, your back resting on his torso, his dick is hard against you. He places a kiss to the top of your head, and grabbing the cream, he starts to wash your hair without a word. 

Of course he wouldn't relieve himself first. He said he would wash you after all. You chuckle as you enjoy his big hands massaging your scalp, gently untangling your hair. 

"I don't know what I have done to deserve someone like you, my love." 

His hands stop moving right away, you frown and turn your head around to look at him. You see his mouth open, eyes wide open and his cheeks shining with an intense red. 

You feel confused with this sudden change. His mouth opens and closes as if he wants to say something several times before he manages. 

"M-m-my love?" 

You smile, barely holding the laugh in your chest. _Of course_ , you think, of course he would react this way at something like that. You decided that this an excellent moment to tease him a little bit. 

"Maybe you would prefer My Teddy Bear?" 

You didn't think he could get any redder, but oh he does. He stammers when he tries to talk. 

"S-s-stop it!"

"What about My Cute Mountain Man?" When you think he might actually die from embarrassment, you laugh fondly. "I'm just joking Muriel, I won't call you anything you don't like." 

He grabs your face and forces you to look ahead as you burst into laughter. He doesn't say a word as he continues washing your hair. You close your eyes and relax on his hold as you hear his voice, barely a whisper. 

"...You can call me my love when we are alone." 

A smile tugs at your lips. "Not My Teddy Bear?" 

" _Astrid."_

"Alright, alright, I promise I will stop teasing you for today." 

"...Thank you." His voice is more of a grumble than actual words. 

\----

He finishes with your hair just to realise you have fallen asleep on him. He doubts between waking you up or just carrying you to your bedroom.

Moments pass and he doesn't move. He just looks at your relaxed body against him, and an overwhelming feeling takes over him. He doesn't think anyone apart from Asra and Inanna would feel comfortable around him, yet alone sleep while he holds them. And for her to just _sleep_ there, to not even consider for a second that he might be a danger to her, sure that she is nothing but safe with him by her side, to consider all this makes Muriel feel things he can't understand. 

He indulges himself for a few more minutes, looking at her, but finally he caresses her cheek a few times until she opens her eyes. 

"You are tired." 

"Just let me sleep five more minutes..." He watches her as she readjust herself on his chest, cuddling closer to him and closing her eyes again. 

"You need a bed, I'm not comfortable to sleep on." 

"You are perfect to sleep on..." Her voice is sleepy, she really doesn't want to move.

With a sigh, he moves his arm under her legs and takes her to the adjacent room so she can put on some clothes. He places her on the floor, making sure she is standing on her feet.

"Get dressed." 

As he watches her rubbing her eyes, his only impulse is to take her away from here, away from what is to come, away from Lucio, away from The Plague. 

He knows he won't survive if she dies again. 

With his heart tight with fear, he puts a tunic on before going for his scarf. As he is holding it, he realises something that makes him feel strange. 

He would fight anyone over this scarf. 

Brushing the thought away, he goes back to the other room to find Astrid more awake now, finally with some clothes on. 

"Ready?" 

"Yes, let's go." 

As you leave the bathing room, you find Portia already waiting on the door, by the smirk on her face you are pretty sure she has been there the whole time in case you needed something. You know Muriel thinks the same when you see him turn red, eyes fixated on the floor. When she gives you a quick glance, she winks at you. You are glad Muriel is looking at the floor, otherwise you are mostly sure he would have run away from there. 

"Apprentice, Hermit. My Lady ordered us to prepare the two bedrooms you used previously, but I take it you will be sharing?" The teasing tone on her voice does not escape you. 

Internally, you are dying to join in the teasing, but you promised you would stop the teasing for today. 

"You may show us to our separate bedrooms for now, Portia." 

"Of course milady." 

You are certain you hear a giggle coming from her as she leads the way. 

When you make it to the bedroom, you are impressed at how Muriel hasn't ran away considering Portia's continued "innocent" comments about the bathing room and the many "exotic" oils that are extremely useful for many entertaining situations. 

"I took the freedom to leave food in your rooms, My Lady and I thought you might be tired and wish to retire for the night." 

"That is very kind of you, Portia, thank you." 

"Of course milady." With a curtsy, she laughs as Muriel enters on his room right away without as much as a goodbye. "I left enough food for two in your room, milady, I assume that massive man will get there in a few moments." The smirk on her face makes her seem delighted with the whole situation. It makes you laugh.

"Once again, I thank you." 

With a wink, she starts to walk away with a few parting words. 

"Try to catch some sleep today, even if you have one _big_ distraction." 

As she predicted, you haven't been in the room for five minutes when the door opens and Muriel walks inside. You smile and gesture him to sit down on the other chair, abundant food laying on the table. 

"I'm starving, eat with me my love." 

Before sitting down, he notices the how the free chair is big enough for his size, he groans as a blush covers his cheeks. 

"She knew I would come didn't see." 

"She totally did." 

You burst laughing at his mortified expression as he sits down and reluctantly puts a piece of bread in his mouth. You start eating until you are both stuffed. Stretching your legs, you walk to the bed and let yourself fall on it face first. You sigh with pleasure, and shortly, your feel the bed sinking down as Muriel joins you. 

"You will get cold if you don't cover yourself." 

"I won't get cold if you cuddle me." 

"...You said no more teasing." He pouts as he looks away. 

You try not to laugh and keep a straight face. 

"I am not teasing, I'm serious." 

Grumbling, he rests his back against the pillows and pulls the bed covers under the both of you. You chuckle as you get closer to him, cuddling in silence as you think about some matters that have worried you more and more lately. Now that you were laying here, the moment of peace you had in the bath was slowly fading away, letting reality sink back once again. 

"Muriel, I have been thinking an-" 

"No." 

"...No?" 

"Not tonight, please." 

"You don't know what I wante-" 

"You want to recover your memories." 

You fall silent. It shouldn't really surprise you that he knows. 

"Tomorrow... we can go to Asra, he might be able to help." He holds you closer. The next words you hear are not exactly words, and they you don't hear them either, you feel them in your link. 

He is scared for you, and tonight he just wants to hold you, forget about the world, escape reality for a little bit longer. Deep down, he knows there is no running away from this. Deep down, he knows you would never turn your back from the people who needs you, not when you can help. And even if this terrifies him, he will stand by your side while you do so. 

"Muriel?" You know he is listening to you. "I love you." 

With his eyes closed, he holds you even tighter. "I love you too." 

"Everything is going to be alright Muriel. Whatever happens, we will overcome it." 

He doesn't say anything straight away, but even if you can feel the underlying fear, you can also feel the burning determination bright in his soul.

"Good night my love..."

"Good night, ...my love"

You feel sleepy once again, and soon, you drift into sleep with a smile curling your lips.

\-----

He is looking at her while she sleeps. He loves seeing her like this, he loves being the one to get to see her like this, to hold her while she sleeps. 

Before Muriel let's exhaustion take over him, he thinks how this time he won't allow anything to happen to her.

This time, he will never leave your side. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally managed to write a chapter without smut! Shocking! Hope you enjoy it nonetheless ;)

_Dust is sticking to your skin covered in sweat._

_Your lungs burn as you run down a dark corridor._

_Faster, you need to be faster._

_You turn, there is a door. You open it, sunlight hits you._

_It blinds you, but when you open your eyes, you see it._

_A spear coming down._

_Too many, there are too many._

_He doesn't see it coming._

_The spear pierces through his chest._

_You scream._

_Green eyes meet yours._

_Blood stains the sand as he falls to his knees._

"No!"

You are trashing around, your heart is beating so hard that you can feel it pulsing in your veins. You can feel the tears coming down your cheeks as you look around, not really seeing anything, confused. 

"Astrid." A familiar voice. That deep voice, you need to listen to it. "You are safe. It's not real." 

The voice keeps talking to you, reassuring you as your breathing evens. 

Muriel, you remember, that voice belongs to Muriel. 

Your eyes are finally able to focus, you are at the palace. 

You are in bed, with Muriel. 

His green eyes are fixated in yours. 

You notice his hand on your cheeks, wiping the tears away. 

He is on top of you, his face so close to yours that is the only thing you can see. 

"Muriel." You exhale a shaky breath. Your pupils still dilated with fear. 

You sit down in the bed. Muriel is sitting too, his eyes don't leave you for a second. 

As your eyes meet his, you feel yourself swarmed with emotions. You throw yourself into his arms, sobbing with your face pressed against his neck. He holds you tight, his arms around your back make you feel safe, protected. You stay there for what feels like hours, just letting the tears cleanse you. 

Muriel doesn't talk, but you feel him, you can feel his aura wrapping itself around your own, shielding you from the world while you are vulnerable. His hand starts to caress your hair, making you feel more grounded with every stroke. When you stop crying you start to think about your nightmare. 

Was it just a dream? Or was it a memory? 

You start to remember, it was the arena, the Colosseum. Muriel. He was fighting that day. And then that spear... 

"Did you die?" 

The words burst out of your mouth before you can think. He takes a deep breath before answering. 

"No. You saved me." 

"What happened...?" 

"...I don't know if this is safe for you." 

He is worried about you, worried that knowing too much will put you in danger. But you feel something else beneath the surface, he is afraid of something. He is afraid of your feelings changing if you remember. He is afraid that you will resent him, hate him. You know it would be best to wait for Asra as you agreed, but you can't wait any longer. 

"Please, Muriel. I need to know. I will tell you if it's too much." 

He remains silent for what seems an eternity, but finally he starts to talk. 

"We met at the Colosseum. I was a fighter." He closes his eyes, a pained expression covering his features. He then shakes his head. "I was a slave." 

"What?" 

"Lucio owned me." 

Despite your shock, you can feel fury bubbling in your blood. 

"How?" 

"Me and Asra knew each other since we were kids, Lucio wanted me to do things for him, when I refused he said he would hurt Asra... So I accepted." 

Your heart aches in your chest, it aches for this man that would make himself a slave to protect someone he cares about without a second of doubt. 

"I was still young, so at first he didn't ask for many things... but when I grew up he made me fight. I became his main attraction at the Colosseum." 

With every word he says, you can feel parts of you clicking back into place. You still don't have a full picture, but a part of you feels more and more right. 

"They day we met, you came to the Colosseum looking for Asra. I had just ended a fight and was walking back to my room when we walked into each other." An image flashes into your mind, Muriel, long hair covering his face, bleeding. "I ignored you and kept walking, but yo-"

"Stopped you. I... I think I remember. It was my first time at the Colosseum, Asra had told me to not go there, told me nothing good came from that place." You close your eyes, trying to focus on the memories. You can feel a headache starting to form, but the pain is just mild. "I had never seen a gladiator before. And you were just _so_ big." You can't help but chuckle at that, Muriel doesn't laugh, but you can see a small smile curving his lips. "I was going to keep looking for Asra but then I noticed blood on my clothes, your blood."

"You wanted to heal me." 

"And you growled at me." 

A slight blush darkens his cheeks. 

"I wanted you to go away." 

"But I was always stubborn, wasn't I?" A soft smile sets in your lips as you remember more and more clearly. 

"You were. Still are." He caresses your cheek with the back of his hand. "You told me you could help me. I... I couldn't understand why you weren't afraid of me. When I told you to leave me alone, you just frowned and told me that wasn't going to happen." 

"And I started to follow you."

"You were... persistent." 

"But you didn't stop me." 

"...I didn't want to hurt you, and you were not listening to me." 

"I remember getting to your room, cleaning the blood." You touch the scar on his cheek. "You got this scar that day." Then you touch the scar across his abdomen. "And this too. I didn't see the one in your face at first, your hair was covering your face the whole time. But then some blood dripped in my hand. I tucked your hair behind your ear. I remember how still you went." 

"...You were nice to me." 

"You allowed me to heal you, then you pushed me out of the room." 

You remember clear as day the fresh cuts on Muriel's body, how he flinched at your touch. How he avoided looking at you the whole time. How he ignored you the whole time. 

"After that day, you kept coming when I had to fight... You were waiting on my room every time." 

"Gods, I remember how upset you were for the first month. You always tried to kick me out, didn't you?" 

"...And you always ignored me." 

The smile fades away as you remember more. Even if he was always victorious, you could feel the wounds inside him. Wounds you could not heal with your magic.

"You always tried to talk to me." 

"And you never said much." 

He hated hurting others, yet he had to do it. You remember how healing him was a partial excuse to be with him, to try to alleviate his emotional pain. You remember how after months of visits, he started to feel more comfortable around you. You remember how despite the circumstances, you looked forward to seeing him. You remember how your feelings for him started to change. But you can't remember everything. 

"...You brought me a present." 

You squeeze your brain, trying to find somewhere in your memories what that was. The headache is getting worse, but nothing you can't handle yet. 

"The carving knife. I got you a carving knife, and I brought you some wood every time I came to see you." A feel of achievement spreads through you for remembering this detail. "I have never been good at carving, but I wanted you to use a knife for something rather than fighting..." 

"...I told you it was stupid. That I didn't need gifts." 

"Then I told you to give it back, and you refused." 

And intense blush covers his cheeks at the memory. 

"You hold it close to your chest and said it was yours now." 

A smile curves your lips once more. You remember how his expression changed for a second before setting his face back to discomfort and annoyance. You remember how every time you came back, there was a new figure hidden under his bed. You remember how his eyes would shine every time you would bring him more wood to use. He was never open about it, but he would fumble a thank you before storing the wood away. 

One of those days your hands touched. You had touched him before, but it always was to heal him. You remember how that was the first time you touched each other when he didn't need your magic. You remember how the wood felt to the ground, you remember looking at him, it was the first time he held your gaze, your heart was racing in your chest, your mouth felt dry. Both your fingers moved along each other, slowly, tentative. Then y-

A stab of pain stops you from remembering more. Then you feel it easing as Muriel takes some of the pain without a word. You know he is not happy about this. But he will do it regardless because he knows how important this is to you. 

You both fall silent, giving you time to take all this in.

It makes sense, it makes much more sense now. You had been thinking how it was strange how your auras had slotted together so fast. How they felt familiar with each other, how it felt natural straight away. If you knew each other for years before...

"Where we ever... together?" Your voice is hesitant, not sure of what you want to hear. 

"No." A deep frown settles on his brows as he thinks of the past. 

You look at him, biting your lower lip. The memories are more clear now, still hazy, but clear enough to know this. 

"I fell in love with you." Your voice is barely a whisper as you speak. A bad feeling creeping in you. 

"...I know." 

You can remove the sensation crawling up your skin. Something tells you this is bad, really bad. 

"Then what...?" 

His eyes are closed, and you see him starting to shake. His hand goes up to his face, his fingers pressed against his eyes. When he talks his voice is ragged. 

"You tried to kiss me. And I pushed you away." His words hurt, you know they don't mean anything now, you know that whatever happened before, you are here now, with him. Yet, the pain won't go away. "I told you to leave, and to not come back." 

Your jaw is set, your lips a thin line across your face as you keep listening to him. Without noticing, your hand has gone up to your chest, trying to rub the pain off. You remember the pain, the rejection. You tried to talk to him, begged for him to talk to you and tell you what was wrong. Had you done something wrong? Was it because of Lucio? But he didn't say anything, he just told you to leave again, and there was a limit to how much pain you could take, so you left.

His shaking has intensified, and so you shift in his embrace to place a hand over his heart. You brush the past heartbreak away, you repeat yourself you are here. 

"It doesn't matter what happened before, I love you, Muriel." He holds you tighter, afraid that you will disappear into thin air. Afraid that you will leave him. "I won't go anywhere, I promise you." 

He tries to keep talking, but fails. You look up at him, and when your eyes meet his, you notice tears starting to form in them. You reach out to him, placing your hand on his cheek and then he breaks down. He starts to cry. He shakes and sobs as he tries to talk, his voice constantly cut in his throat. 

"I-it was my fault. All of it. I... I told myself it w-was for your own s-safety, but that was a l-lie. Then L-lucio found out, and t-the Plague, and y-you..." He can't carry on as his sobs threaten to turn into a bawl. 

You hold him as he cries. And you realise that he has been keeping this in his chest for the last 3 years. You realise that while he watched you when Asra was gone, all this feelings were tearing him apart.

You feel is aura turning into spikes. Spikes going inwards, hurting him. You reach over without hesitation, trying to smooth the spikes, he fights it without realising. He doesn't think he deserves your touch, he doesn't think he deserves your love. He wants this pain. But you won't allow that. You don't try to take his pain away, you know he needs to take it out, but you won't let him destroy himself in the process. 

Like he did before without realising, you start to cover his aura with your own, you focus on filling your magical scent with warmth, safety, acceptance. You cover his as a blanket, and once you are all around him, you close in, letting him feel your presence on every part of his. 

He cries and cries until there are no tears left. His face is puffy, his cheeks wet. His eyes are red, and you don't like the agony you see in them when you set your eyes on his. His breath is shaky still, but his voice is more even next time he talks. 

"You came back, you tried to talk to me, but I refused it every time. I kept telling myself it was the best for you. That way Lucio would never target you, never use you." You are caressing his hair now, trying to keep him calm. "But I was just lying to myself... I loved you, and while all those reasons were part of the problem, the real reason is that I had nothing to offer to you. I had nothing to give you, just my broken self and nothing else. I was scared of the moment in which you would realise I was worthless. I was scared of the moment in which you would turn your back on me, the moment your would abandon me. If I never had you in the first place, it wouldn't hurt as much when you were out of my pathetic life." 

"Oh Muriel." You move to your knees as you hold his head in your arms, pressing it against your chest. Your chest is tight with pain for him. 

"So I pushed you away, over and over again. I could see how it was killing you inside, but I was too scared to do something about it." He stops to even his once again trembling voice. "Then some guards found all the figures I made... and Lucio found out, about you. Us. He... Didn't like it. He said how I would never be free, always his pet. He said... no one would ever want me, and then he tried to get me to tell him who you were. I refused." 

His whole body has gone stiff, his closed fists making his knuckles white. 

"Asra wasn't around, he couldn't use him against me... so he tortured me." 

Cold rage washes over you making you shake with anger. You don't interrupt him, but you think how as soon as you get the chance, you will kill that bastard. 

"After weeks he decided I was not useful anymore. He sent me to fight one more time, he said it was just fitting for me to die giving a show like the animal I was." 

A sudden memory burst into your memory, making you bend over gasping for breath. You are not in the room any more, you are at the Colosseum. 

_You had hear the Scourge of the South was going to be executed, and so you ran without a second thought. The Plague had broken free recently, the numbers of the victims still low. You had been buying some materials to help Dr. Devorak when you heard the news about Muriel. You dropped everything on the floor and ran._

_When you made it to the Colosseum, you could hear the roars of the crowd._

_"Kill him! Kill him!"_

_You had to run, faster, faster._

_When you made it to the arena, you saw Muriel surrounded by several gladiators. His body was covered in wounds, he was bleeding so much. His was barely holding his own weight._

_Then you saw the spear coming from behind him._

_"Muriel!"_

_He turned around, his bloodied hair sticking to his skin. You saw his eyes widening in horror as he saw you._

_"Astrid go!"_

_He didn't want you to see this._

_The the spear came down, piercing through his chest._

_"No!" You were running towards him, the crowd was dead silent, but you didn't see or hear anything else. You could only see his body falling into the arena, the blood staining the sand. Your lungs were about to burst when you felt to your knees next to him. "You are going to be fine, Muriel, I won't let you go."_

_"...Why?" He started to move his hand towards your face, but he started to cough, more blood staining his lips._

_"Save your breath."_

_Using all your might, you teared the spear from his chest, and without a word, you focused all your magic into healing the main wound._

_There were so many. So many cuts, so many burns. Tears were falling down your cheeks as you pushed your energy into your magic, using every ounce of power withing you._

_"Stop it, Astrid you can't, you are going to kill yourself."_

_"Shut up Muriel. Don't you dare." You snarled at him as you kept pouring more and more energy on him. Your magic was fading, so you started to use your own vital energy to strengthen it._

_You could feel something hot dripping down your face._

_You ignored it._

_The wound was almost closed. Good, because you were about to pass out._

_With a last push, the wound was now only a furious red, but you could not see through it any longer._

_You collapsed._

You gasp once again. You look at Muriel, back in the palace. He is looking at you, the emotions going through his eyes vary from worry for you to fear. 

"You were going to die. I-I saved you, but then, I don't remember anything else." 

Tears are falling down his cheeks as he tears his eyes from you, looking at his own hands. 

"You almost died from the effort. I took you to the doctor, b-but... it was too late. The effort itself didn't kill you, but it made you too weak, you got the Plague." 

"...Are you saying I...?" 

"You died, Astrid, you died because of me." 

You can't breath, you grasp for breath, but is useless. You try to move away from the bed, get to the balcony, get some fresh air. You fall from the bed as the panic sinks into you. Muriel is by your side the next second. 

"A-air." 

He takes you in his arms and carries you to the balcony. He sits you in one of the divans as he thinks of running to get Asra. You can feel his intent, and you don't want him to go anywhere.

"S-stay." 

You died? How is that possible? How can you be here now? Memories are swarming back. 

_You are at the clinic._

_It's cold, so very cold._

_You are weak, you used too much magic, but you don't regret it._

_You lose consciousness again, when you wake up, you can't see, only feel two strong hands around your own._

_The voice is familiar. The voice is crying. His words are the last thing you remember._

_"Please don't die, don't leave me Astrid. I love you."_

You need a few more minutes to compose yourself, the intense pain is fading now as acceptance washes over you. 

"How am I here?" 

"...Lucio died by the Plague, he made Asra prepare a ritual to bring him back from the dead using another body. The day of the ritual, Asra brought you back instead of him." 

"Asra brought me back...?" 

"Yes." 

This leaves you with more questions than before. Some more painful than others. 

"Why didn't you come for me...?" 

You can see Muriel's emotions leaving his eyes. 

"After everything that happened, I asked Asra to do the spell that would make everyone forget me. I didn't want to live amongst people, I wanted to disappear." His voice is empty, levelled. "When you came back I went to see you at the shop. You looked happy there. There were many things for you to learn again, but you looked... fine." 

He walks towards the edge of the balcony, hands place on the rail, gaze set on the forest below, never looking at you. 

"I talked to you a few times, enough to keep me from going insane. Having you so close but so far at the same time... I wasn't strong enough to stay away from you. I didn't want to let go of you, but I didn't want you to remember me, remember the Scourge of the South. So I kept coming back, watching you. Most of the times just looking at you was enough for me. But other times I was dying for your touch, to feel you close one more time." 

You walk towards him and slowly, you place your hand over his.

"But then Lucio was in the forest, and you protected me from him." 

"I will never let anything happen to you again. Even if you don't..." His hands tighten around the rail.

You wait for him to continue, but he doesn't. 

"If I don't what?" Your voice is low, gentle. He glances at you before setting his eyes back in the forest. 

"Want me anymore." He spits the words out, and you hear the hurt under his cold detachment. 

"Muriel, look at me." You move your hand up his arm until is resting on his biceps and gently tug him to face you. "I love you." 

"...Why?" Is his strangled answer. He falls to his knees as tears start to form in his eyes. "I failed you. I broke your heart, and then you died because of it." 

"And now I am here, with you." You step closer to him, pressing his head against your stomach, touching his hair. "Muriel, I love you. That hasn't changed. You were scared and I understand it. I don't blame you." 

"You should." 

"But I don't." 

He sobs quietly into your stomach, his arms moving around you, pressing himself close to you. 

"If the Plague hadn't arrived... I wouldn't have died. I would have recover from the extenuation. You didn't kill me, the Plague did." 

"If I hadn't reject you in the fi-" 

"The Lucio would have used me. Or killed me once he found out." 

He falls silent, his tears finished now. He looks up at you, a flicker of hope moving in his eyes. You start to run your fingers through his hair as you hold his gaze. 

"All the things that happen back then lead us to this moment. All our past decisions have taken us here. And here, we are together. Muriel, I will say it as many times as it takes. Even if I forgot about us, my heart didn't, my heart remembered you. _I love you._ " 

"I love you too..." 

You hold his face with your hands as you go down to his level. His gaze doesn't leave you as you move, and when you move closer, pressing your lips against his, he leaves his eyes open for a moment, looking at your face as you kiss him, wanting to ensure this is real. When he closes his eyes, he loses himself in your lips, his hands move, one resting on your lower back, the other on your nape.

Your lips are salty from the tears you both shed, but neither of you care. When you break the kiss, you press your foreheads together for a few moments of silence. You don't need words when both of you can feel the emotions of the other so clearly. You kiss again, soft and tender. There is pain too, but with every kiss a bit of it goes away. 

"We are in this together, alright...? I won't leave you unless you want to." 

"I won't. I want you stay with me, for as long as we live." Emotion burst into your chest with his words. Happiness. Pure happiness. He feels the emotions in you, and that makes him smile. "Would you like that too?" 

"I would love it." Your voice catches in your throat, the emotions too much to handle. 

Holding you, he moves his arm under your legs as he stands up, carrying you in his arms and taking you back to bed. He places you there with the utmost care. He gets into the bed, getting on top of you. 

He slips his fingers between your own, his hand dwarfing your own. He moves it to his lips and presses a soft kiss to it, his eyes fixed on you. 

"Always?" 

"Always." 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why do I start writing kind of fluffy stuff and end with a heartbreaking angst? What is wrong with me?

"Are you going to tell me what is wrong?" 

Muriel flinched in his balcony chair startled at your sudden words, the piece of wood he was working on almost falling to the ground. He glanced at you for a second, but quickly averted it, fixing his eyes on the floor. 

"...What are you talking about?" He was still sending quick glances your way. 

You squint, then walk until you are in front of him, blocking his view from anything but you. Pocking his chest with one accusatory finger, you bend forward until your eyes are at his level. The moon casts a faint light over the palace, but the soft light of the torches illuminate his face enough for you to see his expression changes well enough. 

"I'm talking about how lately you have been acting... different." 

He straightens himself up, still avoiding your eyes. 

"I-I don't kno-"

" _Muriel._ " You get hold of his chin and lift it up until his eyes lock into yours. You move your hand until you are cupping his cheek, a soft smile setting on your lips. "Will you tell me what is happening?" 

He opens and closes his mouth, frowns slightly, then blushes some more, this time with his lips firmly pressed together. You sigh trying to stop your smile from widening even more. Pressing your hand against his chest, you make him move just enough so you can sit down on his lap. His hands move to rest on your body, but stop before they touch you, finally settling on the armrest. 

A small frown appears on your face at this, the nagging sensation you had been feeling now increasing higher. 

"This is what I am talking about." You move your hand over his, palm hoovering over. You place it on his, slowly, unsure of if this contact is wanted. You look at him, searching his face for any clues, any indications. He turns his hand and wraps his fingers around yours as his thumb starts to caress you. "Have I done something to upset you?" 

You say it, unable to contain your doubts any longer. His eyes widen as soon as your words leave your lips. 

"No!" He blurts out. "I-I mean, no... of course not." He looks to the side for a second, and you let him as he tries to find the words. "...Why do you... think that?" 

Your lips tighten for a moment before you start to talk, voice low. 

"Because you have been avoiding touching me for the last couple of days."

His thumb stops moving and you feel his body going still under you. You try to look into his aura, but he is firmly blocking you out. You close your eyes for a few seconds, and when his body doesn't relax you start to move to give him space. 

But Muriel's hand moves faster than you think it possible and gets hold of your waist, quickly pushing you back against his own body. 

"...Don't go..." 

Placing your hands on his cheeks, you start to gently brush his hair out of the way. His eyes are locked in yours, he gives your lips a quick glance before moving them back to your eyes. He moves his lips, as if trying to talk, but no sound leaves his mouth. He keeps glancing at your lips, and every time he does, his eyes stay there a little bit longer. 

"Muriel?" 

But he doesn't answer, his eyes are fixated on your lips and his fingers are pressing against your skin harder than he is likely aware of. His breathing is becoming shallow, and you lick your lips without thinking. Muriel moves closer, but before his lips touch yours, he blinks and quickly moves back with his face turning red, his finger no longer digging into your flesh. 

You look at him, confused. For several seconds you just blink, unable to understand what is happening between the two of you, but then it hits you like a ton of bricks. You suck in a breath, your hand moving to your chest as your eyes go wide open as realisation washes over you. He wants to touch you, he just doesn't think he can. 

"Oh Muriel." You lean in closer pressing your forehead against his before pressing your lips against his own. His reaction is instant as a soft groan comes from his throat. "You can touch me any time you wish." 

He falls silent, head facing down and once again avoiding your gaze, but you feel his body relaxing as you start to caress his scarred skin. 

"...I can?" He lifts his eyes and looks at you, insecurity set on them. 

"Of course you can, why would you ever think otherwise, after everything?" He doesn't answer, instead, he looks intently into the ground. "Don't you like it when I touch you?" 

His face darts up at you with absolute disbelief on his expression. 

"W-what?"

"So you like it?" 

"...Yes." 

"Then what makes you think I wouldn't like you touching me?" 

"...It's not the same..." You look at him, waiting for him to elaborate. "You are... pretty. I'm not." 

You can help but laugh. You tilt your head back as you laugh, his hands moving quickly to your back preventing you from falling off. You keep laughing while Muriel gets redder, but still he doesn't try to move away at any moment. 

"You are the most beautiful person I have ever seen, Muriel." 

It always amazes you how red his face can turn, and with his neck free from the collar, you can also see the skin there becoming darker. You change position so you are now sitting on his lap with your legs at each side of him, you lean forward pressing your body against his as much as you can. You move your lips close to his until there is barely any space between the two of you, but still, you don't finish closing that distance. 

"You can touch me any time you wish. I want _you_ to touch me." You feel his dick moving, becoming a hard bulge under your core you want to rub yourself in.

You both remain still for a second. 

And then he is devouring your lips. You moan when his tongue opens your mouth wider for him, one hand on your nape and the other on your lower back. His hand moves to your scalp, pressing your head closer to him, you move your hips against him as heat starts to build up between your legs, he growls and stands up, easily taking you with him into the bedroom. 

He delicately places you into the bed, your open tunic being the only piece of clothing you are wearing. He lays on top of you, his arms holding his own weight as he looks at your face. You see the adoration in his eyes, the absolute devotion he feels for you. You can also feel the slight worry creeping under it. Still worried that he will hurt you if he is too eager. He closes his eyes as he presses his forehead against the pillow, slowing his breathing before opening them again. 

"You won't hurt me, ever." 

He gulps at your words. And you have the feeling that it will take a long time before he can trust himself the way you trust him. You want to touch him so badly, but you have decided tonight you want him to do whatever he wants, you will let him take the lead. 

"I'm yours Muriel, always." 

And with this, he dives back into your mouth, his kiss is slower this time, but still hungry, wanting. He slides his tongue in your mouth and your breathing starts to speed up. You curve your body without realisation, wanting to feel him as much as possible. 

One calloused hand slides under your tunic and pushes it open with one single movement. You pant when his hand brushes your nipple in the process, arching your back in response. 

You can feel the hesitation in his aura, he wants more, but he doesn't want to move too fast. He wants to make sure you enjoy it. You are the priority, not him. A sudden image appears in your mind, and you catch your breath as you realise this image is not yours, you are seeing what Muriel wants to do. 

"Do it." 

His eyes shine with hunger, and with one single movement Muriel switches your positions leaving you on top of him. He kisses you one more time, and then, in another fluid movement, he gets a hold of your hips as he pushes you on top of his face.

Without a moment of hesitation, he presses his lips straight into your core. 

You stifle a scream when his tongue moves against your clit. He has a firm hold on your hips, making sure you don't go anywhere as he devours you. One of your hands flies to his hair while the other is against your lips, trying to stop your moans from becoming too loud, but when Muriel opens his eyes to look at you and sees the hand covering your mouth, he grabs it and pushes it away. 

You bite your lips, still trying to stop your own moans. With a growl, Muriel starts to suck your clit, and then you realise, he wants to hear you, he wants to hear the moans of pleasure that _he_ is causing. So you moan, loudly. He closes his eyes once more with a satisfied sound coming out of him. His tongue moves around your clit, moving up and down your folds time to time, and before you realise you are coming hard. You pull at his hair, and he sucks harder on your clit, helping you to ride the orgasm with his movements. 

You try to catch your breath, but not a second has passed when not only he doesn't stop licking you, but he also adds a finger to it. 

You are dripping wet, and his finger slides inside you without any trouble. Even only one finger feels big around your tight walls.

His free hand rests on your leg, pressing you further down into his face, he slides another finger in and he opens his eyes, wanting to see your reaction. Your face is distorted with pleasure, mouth open as you try to move your hips around. His grip on you relaxes when he notices your attempts, allowing you to rub yourself against his mouth as much as you want. 

He groans as he keeps on licking, his fingers sliding in and out, stretching you out for him. He was always worried about his size, always worried about how tight you felt around him. So now he takes his time with his fingers. You feel the pressure increasing inside you once more, your moans becoming whimpers as the pleasure starts to become unbearable. Your hands fly to the head of the bed as you lean over. Muriel's free hand moves to your chest, letting you put part of your weight on his arm. He circles your clit with his lips, gently tugging at it, and then, as your inner walls start to convulse around his fingers, he pushes them as deep as they go and gently licks you in exactly the way you need right now. 

You come once again, and this time, he licks your folds a few more times before carefully moving both of you, placing you in your back with his fingers still inside you. He lays next to you as he starts to slowly move his fingers one more time. He looks at your face as he places his thumb in your throbbing sex, gently massaging it. As he moves his hands, pleasure starts to build up again, but this time it feels relaxing, slow. 

"...You are so beautiful." His voice is hoarse and deep in your ear, his lips brushing against it. You set your half open eyes on him, your arms around his neck as you hold to him as he caresses your core. He traps your lips on his, and it's tender, slow, loving. You tighten your grip on his body, raising your hips as another orgasm hits you. He speeds up slightly, helping you to carry on without overwhelming you. You moan in his mouth as you find release for the third time, his hands holding you close. 

You lay on your back, trying to keep your breathing under control, but it proves impossible when you open your eyes and look at Muriel. His lips are wet with you, his fingers now caressing your leg. But is his face what makes you catch your breath, the way he looks at you, like if you are the most precious thing in this world.

"...I love you so much, Astrid..." His voice catches in his throat as he looks at you. "I-I... I can't lose you. I won't." His hands moves up to your hand, brushing your cheek with his knuckles before leaning in for another kiss.

When he parts, he opens his mouth as if to talk, but closes it again. You know he was going to ask you if he could be inside you, or try at least. But he remembers your words, you think. So he moves his hand slowly down to his pants and starts to pull them down, always looking at you as a soft blush starts to cover his cheeks. Every time that it comes to his own pleasure, he becomes shy. He can give you all the release you wish without blushing one single time, but the second it's his turn, the second you turn your full attention to him, or the moment he wants to be inside you, he blushes, he averts his gaze, as if uncertain on how you could want this.

You know he wants to avoid your eyes, but he needs to see your gaze, he needs to make sure there is not a second of anything but want in you. He needs to see you want every part of him. 

When his pants are out and on the floor, he turns to look at you lying on your back. His blush is deep on his cheek, and when you open your legs wide open, using your fingers to spread yourself out as you look at him, you see his dick move, pre-cum shining on his tip. He licks his lips, gulps one time, and then moves to rest on top of you. You wrap your legs around his hips, and holding himself with one hand, he guides himself to your entrance. 

Before going in, he moves his length across your folds, making you moan. He is gritting his teeth together as he carries on, making himself as wet as possible. You try to pull him down against you, but he doesn't move an inch as he keeps making sure that he will go in as easily as he can. Once he is satisfied, he guides the head of his dick back at your entrance, and then, very slowly, he starts to push in. 

You hold your breath as you feel every inch entering you, you gasp his name, making his dick twitches inside you. But he still moves slowly in, making sure you have time to stretch enough for him. 

But you don't want to wait. 

So you whisper his name again, and his dick twitches again. He grits his teeth even harder and looks at you. His eyes are dark, full of desire and need. Wanting to let go, but too worried about you. 

" _Astrid._ " 

" _Please,_ Muriel, I can take you now, _please._ " He growls, but still retains control on his speed. 

You move your hips, but his free hand moves to your hips and pins you down to the bed, stopping you from moving any more. He glares at you. 

"I _won't_ hurt you." He moves a bit deeper, still not deep enough. 

"You won't Muriel, I promise you, you won't." 

He glares at you again. Talking through gritting teeth. 

"...Do you think I didn't notice how... sore you were the first time we...?" He doesn't need to end the sentence. You know he is right, your first time together you didn't prepare yourself for him enough, and you were sore for days afterwards, but what he doesn't understand that is a kind of pain you welcome. "...And you are... so tight still." 

You pant against his lips, trapping his lips on a deep kiss. He grumbles in your mouth, but he melts into the kiss with you. You let him have it his way, take it slow, at least for this first moment. He keeps kissing you as he continues to slowly penetrate you. And then, with one last movement, he is inside you all the way to the hilt. He stops, allowing you time to stretch around him before slowly moving a few inches back. You dig your fingers on his back as he starts to slowly thrust into you, but when you open your eyes between the moans, you see his tense body, his gritted teeth, still holding back. 

You look at him, touch his face so he will open his eyes, and when he looks at you, you say. 

"Muriel, don't hold back, I want _all_ of you." 

You see a hint of fear in his eyes as he holds your gaze, but he doesn't refuse right away. 

"...Are you sure?" 

You nod, arms caressing his face as you do so. 

"...Just... promise me you will tell me if I... if it's...if it's too much." 

"I promise, if I don't enjoy it I will tell you, my love." 

You can see the fear still lingering in his eyes for a few moments, but after kissing you one more time, slowly going almost all the way back, he thrusts back all the way into you with one hard movement. You arch your back, and you moan. You dig your fingers on his shoulders, and he presses his forehead against yours. One arm is supporting his weight, his hand holding the back of your head, the other grabs your hip. 

He watches your expression for a second, but when he doesn't see any signs of discomfort, he breathes in. 

One. 

Two. 

Breath out. 

He closes his eyes again. 

He stops gritting his teeth. 

And he starts to thrust. 

He goes almost out of you, just to slam himself right back into your walls. His arms hold you into place, and you know if he wasn't doing so, your body would be already against the headrest. His dick is hard as a rock, burning hot inside of you, his hips move at a relentless speed, thrusting hard with every movement. You hold your breath, not even able to moan at the sheer intensity of him. You tangle your fingers around his hair, arching your back as a groan leaves your mouth. He grunts and groans with every push, sweat starting to pearl his skin with the effort. 

You move under him, you are unable not to, and you just pray he won't think you want him too stop, so you open your aura as much as you can, letting your sensations mix with his own, letting his mix with yours. 

And is overwhelming. 

You press your mouth against his neck and you scream, you dig your nails in his shoulders as you come harder than you ever thought was possible. You try to arch your back, to get closer to him, but you can't, you are already as close as it's possible. You feel yourself spasming, you manage to open your eyes, wanting to see Muriel's face. His eyes are closed, his mouth open, panting and groaning as his thrust become slower, but somehow harder, deeper. His skin is covered in sweat, the motion of his hard muscles hypnotising you as he moves. 

He cracks his eyes open, just enough to fix his eyes on yours. Your orgasm is still going, just being intensified with each movement he makes. 

"...Astrid..." He moans your name, before closing his eyes again, he pushes himself as deep as he can, you moan one more time as tears start to form at the corner of your eyes, and with one last groan, he releases inside of you. After a few seconds, he exhales a breath you didn't realise he was holding and relaxes his body. A soft smile sets on his lips, but then he opens his eyes, and he sees your tears. 

He moves away from you so fast that you can't even understand what happened for a few seconds. 

He hits the wall with a thud, horror covering his features, tears starting to fill his eyes. He is hyperventilating as he falls to the floor. You jump off the bed and rush towards him, but before you reach him he yells at you. 

"Don't get close to me!" 

"Muriel plea-" 

"NO." 

You stop right in your tracks and look at him. His dilated pupils, his unfocused gaze, his shaking form trying to shrink into himself. He is having a panic attack, but you are not sure of what triggered it. 

You try to reach out to him with your magic, but his aura is so closed in itself that you can't reach him like that. You get on your knees and start to move slowly towards him. He looks at you as soon as you start moving, trying to get further away from you, so you stop again. 

"Y-you promised." Tears start to run down his cheeks when he spits this words out. He looks at himself, at his hands, and more tears fall down. "You promised you would tell me." 

"Muriel," your voice is low and calm, every part of you wants to run next to him and hold him, kiss his tears away, but that is not what he needs right now, "I swear you didn't hurt me." 

"You are crying!" His voice cracks as he shouts, sobbing and hiding his head between his knees. He keeps talking under his breath, talking aloud, the only word you can hear once is _animal_. 

"Oh Muriel." You touch your cheeks, not noticing that some tears had run down your cheeks as well. "Muriel please, let me-" your voice is strangled in your own throat as a tight knot forms "Muriel, I beg you," you get a bit closer, and he doesn't move as he watches you through his bangs, "you can't ask me to stay away from you now, I can't." You close the distance between the two of you as you throw your arms around him. 

"...You promised..." You can barely hear his voice as he speaks between sobs. "Why Astrid...?" 

"Look at me, please." You plea with him, you beg. "I beg you Muriel, look at me." Your voice catches as your heart breaks for this damaged man you love so deeply. 

He lifts his gaze, and your heart breaks a bit more when you see his eyes red and swollen with tears. You move your hands to his cheeks and start to brush his tears away, he is shaking badly, and in that moment you hate Lucio, you hate him for what he did to this gentle man, for how he made him believe he is an animal unable to bring anything but harm and death. But there was no time for that, not now. 

You move his bangs out of the way and move closer, you start to kiss the tears still falling away until he stops crying, until his breathing is not as irregular as it was before. 

"...You crie-" 

"Stop it." Your tone is soft but firm, giving no room to arguments. "I cried, but they were no tears of sorrow, never with you, my love." 

"...Lies." 

You hold his chin, forcing him to look at you, forcing him to listen to everything you say clearly. 

"I would never lie to you, not about this, not about anything." You stare at him, hoping he can see the honesty behind his own panic. "I cried because I was overwhelmed, I opened my aura to you, I felt what you felt, and it was... beautiful, intense." 

He falls silent, his shaking slowly coming to an end. His body relaxes, but not in a way you like, he just goes limp against the wall with his hands covering his face. You sit next to him, thinking on what you could say, but before you have a chance to say anything he starts to talk. 

"...You should leave me, throw the myrrh away and forget about me." His voice is barely a murmur as he continues. "You deserve better than this, you deserve better than a broken man that is too afraid to touch you. A broken animal." 

You want to slap him, you want to yell at him, you want to scream, just do something to let the anger and the pain you feel out. You try to control yourself, you feel your magic boiling in your veins until you hear the glasses on the table explode into a million pieces, you feel something piercing your cheek, but you ignore it. He jumps at the sound of the exploding glass and looks at you. His eyes move straight to your cheek and he moves closer to you. 

"You are bleeding." He moves his hand at you without thinking, but stops himself before reaching you. You lift your hand an feel a piece of glass stuck in your skin, without much ceremony, you rip it away and throw it to the other side of the room, gaze fixated on him. You place your fingers on his chin as you keep staring at him. 

"Don't you dare." You speak through gritted teeth, and you feel tears starting to sting your eyes. "Don't you _dare_ lose yourself. I _just_ got you back, and I _won't_ lose you again. So _don't_ you dare leaving me, don't you even _say_ that I should forget you." With every word you say, the tears sting more until you can keep them back any longer. "Don't you understand I would do anything for you? That I would fight and die for you?" 

He moves forward, gripping your shoulders and looking at you intently in the eyes. 

"Take that back." 

"No." 

"Astrid you can't die. You _can't._ " 

"But I can forget about you?" 

"I will be the only one to suffer then." 

"I _died_ and a part of me still remembered you, I won't forget you, it won't work, ever." 

You look at him, and your anger disappears when you see his expression. How scared he is, how he truly can't stand even thinking about something happening to you. 

"...We said it. We said we would face things together, so please... don't do this to us." 

He looks at you, shame and regret covering his face as he lifts his hand and brushes the small trail of blood off your cheek. He hesitatingly moves his arms around your waist, and you finish the motion for him as you move your hands to his head and press him to your body.

"...I'm sorry Astrid." 

"Don't be. This is not your fault" 

"Bu-" 

"No. Is not your fault, it is not. We _will_ overcome this. And I will say this to you as many times as you need to hear it." 

He moves his arms around you and buries his head in your neck. You both start to unwind in each others arms until exhaustion starts to take over both of you. You stand up and gently tug him to follow you to the bed. He stands up, but stops you from moving. You give him a look and he blushes slightly. 

"...There might be glass on the carpet." 

"Right" You concentrate your magic up, and as you do so, pieces of broken glass start to float and move to one side of the room. "There, should be fine now." You give him a smile, and to your relief, he returns it. 

You get back to the bed, Muriel lying on your back and throwing his arm over you as the other rests under his pillow. You feel him gently pressing his knee between your legs, silently asking for you to make room for him. You move them slightly open for him to move his leg between your own. He stays silent as he moves his hand down your stomach until it reaches your center.

He touches around and quickly moves out of the bed giving you a look that says "wait please", within seconds, he returns with some water and a damp cool towel. He looks at you and blushes a bit. He moves back into the bed, placing the water on the bedside table before resting his hand on your thigh. 

"...Are you sore?" 

"A little." You look at him frown so you quickly add "But is a sensation I welcome." His frown doesn't fully disappear as he gently tugs your legs open while gently cleaning you, you sigh in pleasure at the feeling of the cold water between your legs. "Are your shoulders sore?" 

He looks at you as he gives you a confused look. 

"Why would my shoulders be sore?" He turns his head to look at them, when he sees the marks of your nails on them, his skin tries to turn red. "I-it's fine, it doesn't hurt." 

"Really?" You give quirk one eyebrow.

"......Maybe a little." 

"Does it bother you?" 

"......No." 

"Do you like it?" 

"......Yes." 

"Well, the same goes for me. I like feeling you in my skin even after we are finished." 

His face turns even redder as he gives you a last pat with the towel, he clears his throat and says something in such a low voice that you can't hear it. 

"What did you say?" 

"...I said I like it too." 

"Feeling my touch in you?" 

"...No... Well, yes, I like that too, but I meant... I like that you can feel me even when... I'm not _there_." 

You start to laugh, more and more as you see him get more and more red. He throws the towel at your face as he quickly gets behind you, locking you into a hug that doesn't allow you to turn around to look at him. 

"Oh Muriel, I hadn't take you for the possessive type." 

"S-shut up, go to sleep." 

You chuckle and you lift one leg, inviting him to move in the same position as before. He moves his leg between yours and presses a kiss to the top of your head. 

"You know... you can be possessive of me, I don't mind. I am possessive too." You press yourself against him a bit more as to make a point, and while he doesn't continue the line of conversation, he presses his leg a bit further between your own, totally covering you with his thigh. You try to turn your head to give him a kiss, but he is still holding you in a way that doesn't allow you to turn around. "I want a good night kiss, Muriel." He gives you another kiss on the top of your head. "I mean in the lips, my love." He grumbles a bit, but finally moves enough so you can turn your head around. 

You lift your hand up to his cheek as you move closer as does he. His hand moves to rest on your throat and jaw as he presses his lips against your own, soft and warm. 

"I love you Mountain Man." 

He opens his eyes half way, lips still hoovering over your own. 

"...What did you just call me?" 

You chuckle as you give him another quick kiss. 

"Good night Muriel." 

He gives you another kiss, his gentle smile being the last thing you see as you turn your head to rest next to him. 

"Good night... and... thank you. Thank you for... understanding." 

You move your hand to his own, intertwining your fingers with his and giving him a gentle squeeze. 

"Always." 

He squeezes you one more time before totally settling behind you. 

"...Astrid?" 

"Umm?" 

"...I love you too." 


End file.
